Wow I have so much that has been on my mind that I want to write about, but again I've been too lazy to actually do it. I'll just start with one and then give a pregnancy update.
The other night while watching Grey's Anatomy a scene came up where one of the Drs is pregnant (by accident) but gets in a car wreck and they wind up delivering the baby at like 24 wks or so. There is another Dr(Meridith) on the show who her and her husband have suffered one miscarraige and have been unsuccesful in getting pregnant since. Well after the 24 wk old baby is born Meridith is in the elevator with her husband and she breaks down. Basically saying how she has to take shots and temperatures and she can't achieve pregnancy. My husband shouted out from the kitchen, you have been there babe. I cannot tell you the flood of emotions that came over me in that second. I never thought I could forget how painful TTC was, but in that moment I realized that I had because that pain swept over me for the first time in 7 months. It took me back to that exact feeling of defeat, anger, and heartbreak. It made me remember again to be so thankful for these two miracle boys God has given us. I still have friends that are dealing with infertilty and my heart breaks for them. I just don't understand why this happens to some while others have no problems at all. It's just not fair and I pray with all my heart that they will all be blessed very soon. Everyone deserves that chance to have a child of their own.
Pregnancy update! I am now a little over 27 weeks. I mean seriously, where is the time going? We had our first shower yesterday and it was amazing. We got our stroller, car seats and lots of diapers, blankets, etc. Having the shower makes this all so real. We have two more showers to go and then we will start getting together anything that is left. (Like we know what we need)The boys have been moving around like crazy. Just in the past two weeks it has turned in to more of rolling than kicking. Although Beckham still loves to kick my bladder and the bigger he gets the more it hurts! We went for our 4D last weekend and the little stinkers wouldn't turn their heads, so we are trying again tomorrow. We also have our maternity pictures tomorrow. I can't wait. I did my Glucose test this morning. I didn't find the taste of the drink to be as bad as just having an empty stomach. I'm pretty sure I would have puked if I had waited 10 min longer. I won't know the results until Monday. I have gained 30 lbs which I'm still content with. My prediction is it will be 50 total. I'm measuring 33wks..YIKES. They are weighing about 2 lbs each now. It's so crazy to think they will be here in about 9-11 wks. Robert and I are so ready.
Boys
Friday, April 8, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
23 Weeks and First ER Visit
Look at me posting again! Aren't you impressed? I will be 23 weeks tomorrow. Moving right along. I had my first ER trip of this pregnancy on 3/4/11. As soon as I left work that Friday I started having pretty bad upper gastric pain. At first I just really thought it was gas pain, but after 2 hours had passed and I was doubled over I told Robert we should probably go to the hospital. The good thing about being pregnant in an ER is they do not make you wait. They wheeled me right up to the womens center and got me hooked up to the monitors. I wasn't really scared for the babies because I knew I wasn't contracting and I could feel them kicking. They got their heartbeats then ordered an ultrasound. I love seeing those babies. They were moving around like crazy. One was even kicking the other one in his little pee pee. (They will come out boxing) The conclusion was my gall bladder. I had eaten horrible that day (very greasy) for every meal. I never do this and I never will again. They gave me some Loritab and sent me home. That was the best sleep I've gotten in 6 months! Can I have that every night please :) I'm so glad it wasn't something more serious and I can control it by my diet.
It seems crazy to think I only have about 14 weeks left of this pregnancy, but again I have to be honest I'm ready for it to be over. I have a high pain tolerance and I'm not doing well with all the aches and pains. My stomach has been going through a growth spurt and talk about PAIN. I had to sleep in the recliner the other night just to get somewhat comfortable. I still feel like this is just because of a twin pregnancy and may not be so bad with just one or maybe all you people that have been pregnant forgot about how it really was! Or just flat out lied to me lol. I still get sick daily. I still have some days where I'm just naseaus all day. I'm too the point where I just want to feel normal again. There are parts that I absolutely love though, like feeling them kick. They are getting stronger and I can see it from the outside. I could watch it for hours. I love my pregnant belly too! I really hate to complain about something that is such a miracle, but I don't want to lie about how I feel either. I know it's all going to be worth it and that's what gets me through. I haven't gained any more weight in the past 3 weeks. I'm suppose to gain 40 at least, so I need to get on it. I'm not sure I could eat any more than I already am. I'm sure the weight will come. I started working out so maybe that has something to do with it. Trust me though I am not trying to lose weight. I want my babies to have plenty of room. We have now finished our registry. Babies R Us takes a while. That place is huge and it's so intimidating not really knowing what all you need. I've been around lots of babies, but none that have lived with me 24/7. I'm sure we'll figure it out. I have stayed away from books just because I want to do it my way and not worry that my babies aren't doing it the way the book says. Ok that's enough rambling for one blog. Here is my 22 week pic. Sorry it's so dark.
It seems crazy to think I only have about 14 weeks left of this pregnancy, but again I have to be honest I'm ready for it to be over. I have a high pain tolerance and I'm not doing well with all the aches and pains. My stomach has been going through a growth spurt and talk about PAIN. I had to sleep in the recliner the other night just to get somewhat comfortable. I still feel like this is just because of a twin pregnancy and may not be so bad with just one or maybe all you people that have been pregnant forgot about how it really was! Or just flat out lied to me lol. I still get sick daily. I still have some days where I'm just naseaus all day. I'm too the point where I just want to feel normal again. There are parts that I absolutely love though, like feeling them kick. They are getting stronger and I can see it from the outside. I could watch it for hours. I love my pregnant belly too! I really hate to complain about something that is such a miracle, but I don't want to lie about how I feel either. I know it's all going to be worth it and that's what gets me through. I haven't gained any more weight in the past 3 weeks. I'm suppose to gain 40 at least, so I need to get on it. I'm not sure I could eat any more than I already am. I'm sure the weight will come. I started working out so maybe that has something to do with it. Trust me though I am not trying to lose weight. I want my babies to have plenty of room. We have now finished our registry. Babies R Us takes a while. That place is huge and it's so intimidating not really knowing what all you need. I've been around lots of babies, but none that have lived with me 24/7. I'm sure we'll figure it out. I have stayed away from books just because I want to do it my way and not worry that my babies aren't doing it the way the book says. Ok that's enough rambling for one blog. Here is my 22 week pic. Sorry it's so dark.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
21 Weeks
Ok I know I have been absolutely horrible at updating this and I don’t have a good excuse except for I’ve just been flat out lazy! I get home from work and all I want to do is change in to my pjs, eat dinner and sit in the recliner with the heating pad. And let me tell you….It’s Heaven
Update on my pregnancy. As you can see from the title and my little ticker I am now 21 wks along. Holy cow when did this happen? I’m so amazed at how fast the time is flying by. All my Dr appointments have been going great and my little boys are looking so cute. I will see my specialist for the second time today. I can’t wait to see those cute little babies again. I will start my bi-weekly appointments next month. I’m pretty sure I am going to be all Dr’d out by the end of this. As if I wasn’t already from IVF. Ok so here are some bullet points.
Morning Sickness: I still throw up every morning first thing. After that I eat my waffles with peanut butter and a glass of milk and I’m good to go. It’s so refreshing to feel good during the day now. They are still grounded when they come out for making me so sick though. JK!
Weight Gain: Well this sure did change. If you remember at 15 wks I had only gained 6 lbs. Now at 21 wks I am up 17 lbs. My Dr assured me though that everyone has 10 lb months. WHEW! I’m still not concerned about my weight. I want what is best for these little guys. She expects me to gain at least 40 so I’m still right on track. . I’m happy to say it is all belly too.
Babies Room: We pretty much have the room put together. We still need a rug, curtains and to hang their names on the wall. And then of course just some added decorations. I love it. I love walking in there and being filled with the tears of joy that were replaced from tears of heartache.
Movement: I felt Beckham move for the first time on February 14th. Oh how amazing it was. I have been feeling them daily although it’s still not as prominent as I would like. I know, a million people have told me don’t wish too much for this because pretty soon you will be asking them to stop. Miserable and all I will still marvel at these little ones moving inside me. I’ve waited a long time for this feeling.
Daycare- This just makes me cry. I hate even talking about it. But it’s one of the things that have to happen. We found an in home daycare for a VERY affordable price. We really liked her and this is where the boys will go. I thought I would walk out of there happy because we find a place that we liked, but I was even sadder leaving. It means I really have to leave them. I really don’t know how I’m going to be able to do this.
I still have to admit that pregnancy is not at all what I expected it to be, but I’m starting to enjoy it more and more. I still get no sleep at night thanks to back pain and constant peeing, but I think I’m starting to adjust. Seeing my belly grow just makes me smile. I will update with pics later. I have so much to write about, but that is going to require me to stop being lazy. So maybe soon you will get more out of me. For now that is all the updates I have.
Update on my pregnancy. As you can see from the title and my little ticker I am now 21 wks along. Holy cow when did this happen? I’m so amazed at how fast the time is flying by. All my Dr appointments have been going great and my little boys are looking so cute. I will see my specialist for the second time today. I can’t wait to see those cute little babies again. I will start my bi-weekly appointments next month. I’m pretty sure I am going to be all Dr’d out by the end of this. As if I wasn’t already from IVF. Ok so here are some bullet points.
Morning Sickness: I still throw up every morning first thing. After that I eat my waffles with peanut butter and a glass of milk and I’m good to go. It’s so refreshing to feel good during the day now. They are still grounded when they come out for making me so sick though. JK!
Weight Gain: Well this sure did change. If you remember at 15 wks I had only gained 6 lbs. Now at 21 wks I am up 17 lbs. My Dr assured me though that everyone has 10 lb months. WHEW! I’m still not concerned about my weight. I want what is best for these little guys. She expects me to gain at least 40 so I’m still right on track. . I’m happy to say it is all belly too.
Babies Room: We pretty much have the room put together. We still need a rug, curtains and to hang their names on the wall. And then of course just some added decorations. I love it. I love walking in there and being filled with the tears of joy that were replaced from tears of heartache.
Movement: I felt Beckham move for the first time on February 14th. Oh how amazing it was. I have been feeling them daily although it’s still not as prominent as I would like. I know, a million people have told me don’t wish too much for this because pretty soon you will be asking them to stop. Miserable and all I will still marvel at these little ones moving inside me. I’ve waited a long time for this feeling.
Daycare- This just makes me cry. I hate even talking about it. But it’s one of the things that have to happen. We found an in home daycare for a VERY affordable price. We really liked her and this is where the boys will go. I thought I would walk out of there happy because we find a place that we liked, but I was even sadder leaving. It means I really have to leave them. I really don’t know how I’m going to be able to do this.
I still have to admit that pregnancy is not at all what I expected it to be, but I’m starting to enjoy it more and more. I still get no sleep at night thanks to back pain and constant peeing, but I think I’m starting to adjust. Seeing my belly grow just makes me smile. I will update with pics later. I have so much to write about, but that is going to require me to stop being lazy. So maybe soon you will get more out of me. For now that is all the updates I have.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
And the Twins Are
Boys! There is no denying that this little ones definitly have hot dogs :) Their names are Beckham Cale and Brody Kingston. We are so excited and can't wait for them to be here now. The room is under way (sort of). I'm ready to start putting it all together, but I have to be a little more patient because we are waiting on a wall to get repaired in the room. Hopefully soon though and I will post some pics.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
For Everything There is a Reason
For those of you that have followed my blog from the beginning you know that I have often questioned God. Why was he putting us through this battle? Why would he not want us to be parents? why would he let someone feel this much pain? As much as I questioned, I always new that there was a reason and one day I would know just what that was. I didn't expect it to come so soon, but I think I now understand.
I have been very fortunate in my life to have never loste anyone close to me. At 28 that changed. On December 11, 2010 my grandpa passed away. He has fought parkinsons for a long time and most recently had been diagnosed with cancer. He had some great last days. He had one wish to have us all together on Thanksgiving and we all believe that that was what he was hanging on for because after that it went downhill. In his last days we all gathered around his bed and let him know that it was ok to go home and that we loved him. The night before he passed I was able to kiss him on the forehead, tell him I love him with an I love you back and have him squeeze my hand as if to say it's all going to be alright. I will cherish that last night with him forever. I asked him that night to watch over my babies and I believe he is doing just that as he cracks jokes with God. He was such an amazing man.
My family was very worried about me at this time. I think I was only about 10wks pregnant. Over all I think I handled it a lot better than I ever thought. I'm not sure if it was just the constant throwing up that took away the pain or the fact that I know he is no longer in pain and with our Lord and Saviour. Either way I think God chose this time for me to be pregnant because it's what my family needed. We needed a happy time in the midst of so much sadness.
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Grandpa you will forever be missed and I can't wait to tell my children all about how amazing, funny, caring and loving my grandpa was. Thanks for watching over my babies from heaven. I love you!
I have been very fortunate in my life to have never loste anyone close to me. At 28 that changed. On December 11, 2010 my grandpa passed away. He has fought parkinsons for a long time and most recently had been diagnosed with cancer. He had some great last days. He had one wish to have us all together on Thanksgiving and we all believe that that was what he was hanging on for because after that it went downhill. In his last days we all gathered around his bed and let him know that it was ok to go home and that we loved him. The night before he passed I was able to kiss him on the forehead, tell him I love him with an I love you back and have him squeeze my hand as if to say it's all going to be alright. I will cherish that last night with him forever. I asked him that night to watch over my babies and I believe he is doing just that as he cracks jokes with God. He was such an amazing man.
My family was very worried about me at this time. I think I was only about 10wks pregnant. Over all I think I handled it a lot better than I ever thought. I'm not sure if it was just the constant throwing up that took away the pain or the fact that I know he is no longer in pain and with our Lord and Saviour. Either way I think God chose this time for me to be pregnant because it's what my family needed. We needed a happy time in the midst of so much sadness.
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Grandpa you will forever be missed and I can't wait to tell my children all about how amazing, funny, caring and loving my grandpa was. Thanks for watching over my babies from heaven. I love you!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Almost 15 Weeks
Hello blog world. Sorry I went MIA. Hopefully I'm back to stay. Wow I can't believe I'm sitting here typing about being 15 wks pregnant. I'm still in shock over all of this because there is that part of every infertile girl who believes they will never be a mother. Besides the morning sickness I sometimes don't feel like this is real. I feel like we are tricking people in to thinking we are pregnant. I wonder if it will become more real when they start kicking or will it be when I actually get to meet them? Here are some updates on what has been happening.
Morning Sickness- This has really prevented me from enjoying pregnancy so far. It makes me so sad because I have waited so long for this. The good news is it has gotten a hundred times better. I had a week where I didn't throw up at all, but was just nauseaus all day. The last 3 days the throwing up is back, but I'm not yucky feeling all day. I actually had my first productive day yesterday in about 10 weeks.
Weight Gain- So far I'm holding steady at 6 lbs. And sadly enough those lbs just happend in the 2nd Tri. Oops. I could technically count 2 in the 1st Tri because I would lose it then gain it. Hey whatever makes me happy lol. Actually for the first time probably in my life I love my fat belly and have no self consciousness.
Babies Room- This was my productive day yesterday. We cleaned out a big part of that room because it's kind of been a catch all room. We still have some left but really it just goes in the attick. We bought our cribs last weekend, but we don't plan on putting them up for a while. We decided with two babies things are going to get expensive so we wanted to start buying now.
Gender- We scheduled a Gender scan with a local ultrasound place for Feb 3rd. I'm so impatient I could not wait another 6 wks. I still think it is 2 girls. We did the Intelligender for fun and it said boy. Chinese gendar calendar says boy. All other wives tales point to girl so far. I am so excited to know what we are having.
It's crazy to think in just about 5 wks I should be feeling these babies move. It makes me emotional just thinking about how blessed we are right now. In 5 short months we should be holding our miracles that we have waited so long for. God is so good. I will leave you with the much anticipated belly shots.
Here is week 4
And here is week 14
Morning Sickness- This has really prevented me from enjoying pregnancy so far. It makes me so sad because I have waited so long for this. The good news is it has gotten a hundred times better. I had a week where I didn't throw up at all, but was just nauseaus all day. The last 3 days the throwing up is back, but I'm not yucky feeling all day. I actually had my first productive day yesterday in about 10 weeks.
Weight Gain- So far I'm holding steady at 6 lbs. And sadly enough those lbs just happend in the 2nd Tri. Oops. I could technically count 2 in the 1st Tri because I would lose it then gain it. Hey whatever makes me happy lol. Actually for the first time probably in my life I love my fat belly and have no self consciousness.
Babies Room- This was my productive day yesterday. We cleaned out a big part of that room because it's kind of been a catch all room. We still have some left but really it just goes in the attick. We bought our cribs last weekend, but we don't plan on putting them up for a while. We decided with two babies things are going to get expensive so we wanted to start buying now.
Gender- We scheduled a Gender scan with a local ultrasound place for Feb 3rd. I'm so impatient I could not wait another 6 wks. I still think it is 2 girls. We did the Intelligender for fun and it said boy. Chinese gendar calendar says boy. All other wives tales point to girl so far. I am so excited to know what we are having.
It's crazy to think in just about 5 wks I should be feeling these babies move. It makes me emotional just thinking about how blessed we are right now. In 5 short months we should be holding our miracles that we have waited so long for. God is so good. I will leave you with the much anticipated belly shots.
Here is week 4
And here is week 14
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Finally the Story
Ok so as promised here is how the events of my finding out I'm pregnant unfolded.
On the Sat before my Beta test I woke up feeling extremely tired. It continued throughout that day and I'm pretty sure I took about 3 naps. I thought something was up then, so I waited for Robert to go to the gym and I went and took one of my cheap dollar tree tests. I didn't see anything at first, but then noticed a very very faint pink line. Now I know dollar tree tests are known to give evaps so I really didn't think much of it. I decided not to tell Robert just in case it was an error. It was actually a fun little (possible) secret to keep to myself for a night. That next morning worked out perfect because Robert actually got up before me so I ran to the bathroom and took an Answer test. I wish I could have recorded that look on my face when I saw two pink lines. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in a really long time! It was time to tell Robert the good news. I had had some Budoir portraits done for him back in February and while I was there I had her take a pic of me with the words I'm pregnant written on my belly. I had put it in the back of the book of pictures the week before just in case. I took it to him and said I have a present for you. He looked at me and said oh did you get more pics done. He opened it up and read those words he's been dying to hear. Then he asked me if I was sure and of course wanted a million more tests. lol. Hence the million tests from a previous post. I think he finally believed it after our beta. We only told my parents and his mom after the beta. We had planned to keep it to ourselves for a while afer that, but we all know how that turned out. Our families are so excited for us. They cannot wait to meet these two little ones.
Now on a more real note. I first one to say that I hope I do not hurt anyones feelings by the rest of this post. I know how hard it can be to hear pregnant woman complain about something that you want so badly, but please remember I was on this journey for 3 years 2 months and I know so very well the pain that goes with infertility, and I want you to know that I still feel like an infertile girl.
I am still so scared for this pregnancy. I feel myself not allowing myself to get attached to these babies or be excited about them. The first appointment we went to was the scariest day of my life. I was so nervous thinking the worst possible outcome. The second one was scary, but not as scary. And for the record the babies had made it past the point of my last pregnancy. It still doesn't comfort me though. I have one more appointment to make it through before I will feel like I can connect and enjoy this pregnancy. I just really can't imagine going through all of that again. I pray to God daily to keep my babies healthy and I actually have little pep talks with them to keep fighting. 6 more days and I hope I can move past what has become such an emotionally draining part of my life.
Morning sickness. AHHHHHHHHH.......... I'm pretty sure most days I feel like I just want to die. Weeks 8 and 9 were absolutely horrible! I was on the verge of wanting to go to the hospital because I could not keep anything I ate or drank down for a couple of days. And that is with taking 8mg of Zofran. It has since eased up a bit (TINY BIT). I still throw up about 4-5 times a day and feel sick for the most of the 24 hours in a day. All of this stared about 5 weeks so I am now going on 5 weeks of throwing up and feeling like poo daily. I don't know how I am surviving it, but I am. I'm PRAYING that it will only last 2 more weeks. PRAYING HARD! I can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I did stop the progesterone shots (PRAISE THE LORD) two days ago. I hope that gives me some relief as well. I know it will give my back some relief. The sickness is gradually getting better or at least I'm just getting use to it. I really do hope it means my babies are in there nice and snug. (Although this is not an indicator for me)
One fun thing that is happening is I do have a bit of a baby bump. It's really fun! I don't think I have officially "popped" yet, but I feel it coming. Stay tuned for belly pics.
I just want to say that I am very thankful, despite all of the madness, to be pregnant. I thank God daily for the blessings he has given us. I never dreamed that we would be doing In Vitro, but what a miracle (or two) we got out of it.
On the Sat before my Beta test I woke up feeling extremely tired. It continued throughout that day and I'm pretty sure I took about 3 naps. I thought something was up then, so I waited for Robert to go to the gym and I went and took one of my cheap dollar tree tests. I didn't see anything at first, but then noticed a very very faint pink line. Now I know dollar tree tests are known to give evaps so I really didn't think much of it. I decided not to tell Robert just in case it was an error. It was actually a fun little (possible) secret to keep to myself for a night. That next morning worked out perfect because Robert actually got up before me so I ran to the bathroom and took an Answer test. I wish I could have recorded that look on my face when I saw two pink lines. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in a really long time! It was time to tell Robert the good news. I had had some Budoir portraits done for him back in February and while I was there I had her take a pic of me with the words I'm pregnant written on my belly. I had put it in the back of the book of pictures the week before just in case. I took it to him and said I have a present for you. He looked at me and said oh did you get more pics done. He opened it up and read those words he's been dying to hear. Then he asked me if I was sure and of course wanted a million more tests. lol. Hence the million tests from a previous post. I think he finally believed it after our beta. We only told my parents and his mom after the beta. We had planned to keep it to ourselves for a while afer that, but we all know how that turned out. Our families are so excited for us. They cannot wait to meet these two little ones.
Now on a more real note. I first one to say that I hope I do not hurt anyones feelings by the rest of this post. I know how hard it can be to hear pregnant woman complain about something that you want so badly, but please remember I was on this journey for 3 years 2 months and I know so very well the pain that goes with infertility, and I want you to know that I still feel like an infertile girl.
I am still so scared for this pregnancy. I feel myself not allowing myself to get attached to these babies or be excited about them. The first appointment we went to was the scariest day of my life. I was so nervous thinking the worst possible outcome. The second one was scary, but not as scary. And for the record the babies had made it past the point of my last pregnancy. It still doesn't comfort me though. I have one more appointment to make it through before I will feel like I can connect and enjoy this pregnancy. I just really can't imagine going through all of that again. I pray to God daily to keep my babies healthy and I actually have little pep talks with them to keep fighting. 6 more days and I hope I can move past what has become such an emotionally draining part of my life.
Morning sickness. AHHHHHHHHH.......... I'm pretty sure most days I feel like I just want to die. Weeks 8 and 9 were absolutely horrible! I was on the verge of wanting to go to the hospital because I could not keep anything I ate or drank down for a couple of days. And that is with taking 8mg of Zofran. It has since eased up a bit (TINY BIT). I still throw up about 4-5 times a day and feel sick for the most of the 24 hours in a day. All of this stared about 5 weeks so I am now going on 5 weeks of throwing up and feeling like poo daily. I don't know how I am surviving it, but I am. I'm PRAYING that it will only last 2 more weeks. PRAYING HARD! I can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I did stop the progesterone shots (PRAISE THE LORD) two days ago. I hope that gives me some relief as well. I know it will give my back some relief. The sickness is gradually getting better or at least I'm just getting use to it. I really do hope it means my babies are in there nice and snug. (Although this is not an indicator for me)
One fun thing that is happening is I do have a bit of a baby bump. It's really fun! I don't think I have officially "popped" yet, but I feel it coming. Stay tuned for belly pics.
I just want to say that I am very thankful, despite all of the madness, to be pregnant. I thank God daily for the blessings he has given us. I never dreamed that we would be doing In Vitro, but what a miracle (or two) we got out of it.
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