Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Brooklyn Grace

Brooklyn Grace was born on March 27th. She was 7lbs 13oz and 19in long.  My spinal was horrible but the actually c-section was easy. I also got a tubal ligation so it's official. No more babies. She came out screaming and literally didn't stop for about 10 minutes. (Seemed like 30). I actually got to do skin to skin immediately this time as they were sewing me up. That is the one thing I've always felt I missed out on not having a natural delivery. It was amazing to say the least. She is perfect and such a good baby. The boys absolutely adore her!!

Friday, February 13, 2015

CMV Exposure

Well the past month has been eventful for the fourth and final blessing.  Back in the middle of January I got extremely sick with nothing more than a 6 day fever and back/stomach pain.  I went to the hospital on day 2 of the fever and they said I just had severe dehydration and negative for a bladder infection. So I was given an IV and sent home.  Day 4 of fever I decided to go to the AM/PM clinic to get tested for the flu.  Negative for flu but traces of bacteria for bladder infection and an ear infection and was sent home with an antibiotic.  That was surprising because it didn't hurt.  Day 6 of fever I had an OB appointment so I mentioned it to her.  She changed up my antibiotic and decided to send me for blood work just to rule out any other infections.  The second antibiotic seemed to kick it so I thought I was on a good path.  Fast forward to three weeks later when I get a call from the dr saying I needed to go back in for bloodworm because some of my results came back positive.  I was pretty confused at this point because they were talking medical talk and I certainly don't understand that.  Come to find out I had tested positive for CMV which is a viral infection.  After googling against my dr's recommendations I discovered that most people with be exposed to it by the time they are 40 but you don't want to be exposed to it for the first time while you are pregnant.  So she now wanted to send me on to a specialist to try and determine if there was any harm to my baby girl and if this was a primary exposure or secondary.  If it is secondary then there is a 1% (from what the internet tells me) of it actually passing on to the baby.  We went yesterday and he is certain it is a secondary infection and she looked great so none of the major things have happened to her.  If it passed to her some of the risks at this point after birth become hearing loss and vision loss.  While I feel in my heart the chances of this happening are very slim it is still scary to think about.  He offered us an amnio to check now but we declined and will just get her tested at birth.   I'm still in shock that this virus is so unknown.  If it is this dangerous while pregnant why doesn't anyone know about it or warn you about it.  I mean how many people get this and don't even know it.  Most people don't even show signs.  So I would assume pregnant women are exposed all the time and never know it. Most of the things I read all over the internet basically say that you can get it from daycare kids.  So it seems quite common then to be exposed to this??? Right???  Part of me is confident I didn't pass it on and the other part of me is dying inside knowing it is a possibility.  If anyone is still reading if you could please just keep us in your prayers we would appreciate it.  He is going to have me do non stress tests just to keep an eye on her.  She'll be here in 6 weeks so we will know something more then. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Baby #4 is.......

is a little baby GIRL!!!  I think I'm still in disbelief.   We've had two ultrasounds to confirm so I know she is a she but I just don't think I thought I would ever be typing those words.  After three years of infertility and one loss I just really never thought I would see the day that my family would be complete.  To the point where I felt 100% complete.  God has been so faithful to us.  I can't wait to meet our precious little princess!  Her brothers are super excited too.

Monday, August 25, 2014

It's Been a While

Don't get too excited. (if anyone is still reading).  I'm not here to say too much.  Just one last little surprise.

I still can't believe after everything we went through we have now had two easy pregnancies.  I continued to be amazed by how God works.  I would love to fill you in on all the details but once again I'm miserably sick so I don't feel like writing a novel at the moment.  I will update soon!

Friday, May 9, 2014

A Letter to My Boys

Baker Boys,

Today is the day that your father and I will dedicate the three of you boys to the church.  We are not only dedicating you to Life church, but we are dedicating you to God.  We are making our promise to raise you in a Christ-Centered home.  There is something equally special about this day.  It is also Mother’s Day weekend.  The three years leading up to when we found out we were going to be parents were heart wrenching.  I honestly didn’t know if I would ever become a Mom.  It made this weekend so incredibly painful.  I spent a lot of time with God in those years.  I want you all to know that I prayed for you and God answered our prayers in His timing.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  We have three of the most perfect miracles that I could ever ask for.  Miracles is what you all are and God is the reason you are here.

There are a few things that I want you to remember while you go through life:

1.)    God should always be first.  I believe with all my heart that if you put Him first then the rest of your life falls into place.  This is sometimes hard for your mommy to accept because I selfishly think I should come first after carrying you around for nine months.  I guess God wins though.

2.)    The world is cruel, don’t give in to the pressure.  The media and everyone else will try to make you think you need material things.  Material things equal debt.  Debt equals chains.  God is the only one who can provide happiness sons.  BE WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHO THE WORLD SAYS YOU SHOULD BE!

3.)    You are wanted.  If for any reason your father or I should do something to make you feel unloved remember this.  We spent 3.2 years trying and longing for you.  It took numerous doctor appointments, money, time, surgeries, shots and tears to conceive you. Bray you are no exception.  Just because you made your determinedness known doesn’t mean that we didn’t long for you too.  A little secret.  Mommy longed to feel a singleton pregnancy and all the things that were different than a twin pregnancy.   So my little cuddle bug, you were wanted too!  Not to mention that God placed you in our life at just the perfect time.  One day we will share that story with you.

4.)    You will get your heart broken.  I’m crying now at the thought of this.  You are only 1 & almost 3, but the thought that someone will hurt you, hurts me.  There are going to be a number of people throughout your life that will let you down.  This is not limited to a girlfriend.  You will have people who you never expected like friends and family.  It is part of the world we live in.  God tells us to forgive.  So boys, you should forgive and pray for those who have hurt you.  Just remember that we cannot control what others say or do but we can control who we let stay in our lives. 

5.)    Be kind to everyone. God said no man’s sins are greater than the next.  There are people all over the world that are hurting.  Don’t be the one to make them hurt more.

6.)    Life goes on.  You are going to encounter hardships along the way.  Don’t let them take you out.  Always be an optimist and remember #1. 

7.)    We are always here for you. Your Mom and Dad will always be your #1 fans in life.  We are pulling for each one of you.  We want to see you succeed in life and with your walk with Christ. We will never turn our backs on you.  Anything you need we are here.  Even if you want to come live with us again when you’re 30. 

8.)    We will give you tough love.  We are not always going to hand things to you because you want them.  There are going to be some instances in life where we may have to implement “tough love”.  This will be harder on us than it is on you.  I hope you can one day understand what this is about and not be angry with us.

9.)    It’s ok to cry.  Society tells you that boys shouldn’t cry.  I think society is wrong.  It is ok to feel pain and deal with it.  It is ok to be sad.  I think it makes you a much better man.  It makes you human.  It will make you very attractive to a woman as well.  Let’s not explore this until you are at least 25 though.

10.) You are enough! Remember when the world around you tells you that you aren't good enough, that you are always good enough in God’s eyes.  You are also always good enough in our eyes.  Don’t let what anyone thinks about you define you.  Let you define you. Let your relationship with God define you.

11.) Go to college. Just do it!

12.) Divorce is not an option.  You are too young now for me to even fathom you boys getting married.  When you do, remember that marriage is a commitment before God.  Don’t get married unless you are ready to fully commit to another person. This will mean putting yourself aside to make someone else happy.  Marriage is work and sometimes it is painfully hard, but don’t ever put “divorce” in your vocabulary.  Seek God not society.

13.) Don’t forget about us.  It’s hard to imagine at the age you are now that someday, if we do our job right, you are going to leave home.  You will become men of your own household.   It’s just so hard to imagine that for the next 15-17 years we will have you in our home every day.  Our lives revolve around you boys right now.  There is going to come a day when you are gone.  I don’t want that day to come.  I wish I could freeze time right now.  Where you, Bray, are crying to come lay in bed with me and I pick you up and you wrap your sweet little arms around my neck and won’t let go for the rest of the night.  Or you, Beckham, with your sweet little voice saying, “Mommy, please help me” or embarrassingly enough for you when we have our cute little talks while you are trying to use the restroom.  And you, Brody, laughing deviously and always saying after you get your hair done, “Mom, I’m not handsome, I’m Brody Superhero”.  Gosh, I’m going to miss you boys.  I’m going to miss these days. Don’t worry, I’ll try to keep my cool and not follow you to college.  I am however not promising to not cry every year you get older for I know that means my days are numbered before you leave the nest.  Just remember to call us just to say hi and I love you. That will mean the world to us. 

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

This is the verse that I live by with you three boys.  My hope is that your father and I can give you a strong faith based foundation.  You boys have changed my life for the better.  I never knew how much love my body was capable of feeling until I saw each of you for the first time.  Those images are ingrained in my mind.  I will admit that there are several days that I get caught up in life and I forget to pray.  I can promise you that there aren’t many days that go by though that I don’t forget to thank God for each of you when I’m tucking you in bed at night.  I love you my three little momma’s boys. More than you will ever know!  

We love you,


Mommy and Daddy

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Five Years

I had a friend email me the other day asking if she could run a mile in a marathon in memory of my angel.  I was so touched that there is someone out there that still remembers too.  That someone else out there knows that we have a child in Heaven.  It prompted me to start thinking back on the past 5 years and I started reading some old blogs.  It was a very dark and lonely place to be in that season of my life.  So much pain and heartache.  Little did I know I would be typing this 5 years down the road in one of the best places I've ever been in my life.  I have three beautiful boys and I'm happy.  I am so grateful for my journey and I wouldn't change it.  Infertility changed me, but for the better.  I'm a better mom, wife, Christian and friend.  I wouldn't give any of that up!  GOD IS GOOD!

This Thursday will be five years since we heard our angel baby's heartbeat for the first and last time. I can remember how exciting that day was. After 18 months we were finally on our way to having our baby. Little did we know that was not going to be the case. I spent 12 weeks of pregnancy (really 8 weeks) with that child. Planning names and nurseries. Doing all the things that pregnant people do. That baby is and will always be a part of us and our family. He/She is in Heaven and I can't wait to meet him/her. I just wanted to take some time to acknowledge that I still remember it all so well and to say that I still miss my angel. 
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3