Friday, September 25, 2009


I never knew when starting this process that the people I would need the most wouldn't be my closest friends or even my family, but would be a group of women who have or are going through what I am.

The woman on the TTC boards are people I don't know much about nor do they know much about me yet they have known exactly what to say to keep me afloat. They too know the desire to have a child and the feeling month after month when that goal seems out of reach. Thank you ladies for being that support system. You are all amazing and I truly cherish you.

The other day there was a woman ,who has written a book on her struggle with infertility, and I didn't even know she read my blog. Out of nowhere I got an email from her with her sincere words of encouragement and apologies for what I was enduring. If you are reading this I hope you know how much that meant to me that day. God works in the most amazing ways and at the most amazing times.

(BK) I got a card from this person just saying she was thinking about me. I literally cried when I read it because it made me feel so good and grateful to know that I have people pulling for me. We have known each other for a long time, but when we met 12 years ago I never knew God would be using your friendship in this way. I am so thankful for you.

(AS) I want to give a shout out to you for finally acheiving the unthinkable. haha. I love my shout out. Ok now to be serious. When I went to dinner with this person the other night she told me that I was the strongest person she knows. After all she has been through she thinks I'm strong? Thank you for saying those words to me because as we talked the other night there are times when I don't know how I am still pushing through this mess. You give me hope and I have really enjoyed our friendship over the past year. Again you are someone I met 13 years ago and I never imagined that God would use you in my life in this way. Even after all we have been through I wouldn't change it. You are an amazing person and God has finally answered my prayers for you. You deserve this miracle. You're support and friendship have meant the world to me. THANK YOU!!!!

And to my closest friends and family. I know that you all love me and are behind me and Robert. I also know that you don't know exactly what to say sometimes because you have never been in my shoes. I get that, but sometimes a hug is worth a thousand words.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Interesting Results

Well my appointment with Dr. Reshef has been scheduled for October 5th. I had to get my medical charts from my current OB/GYN and found some interesting information in there that was never passed along to me. During my HSG which was in 09/08 the comments read “there does appear to be spillage from both fallopian tubes. There is definite spillage from the right. There may be some loculations present around distal fallopian tubes or ovaries bilaterally suggesting some scarring or adhesions.” Then I proceed and read my results from my first round of Clomid Day 10 ultrasound. The comments read “There are multiple right and left ovarian cysts. Largest on right measures approximately 2 cm in diameter and largest on the left measures 1.7cm.” UM HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was NEVER told any of this. Here is something I pulled off Dr. Reshef’s website.

What are the causes of infertility?

Approximately 30-40% of infertility is due to male factors; 50% percent is due to female factors; and 10-20% is due to either combined male and female factors or unexplained infertility. In the female, the combination of endometriosis, tubal disease, or adhesions (scarring), collectively known as the "peritoneal factor", is the most common cause. Problems with ovulation is the second most common cause. Cervical mucus abnormality is the third most common cause.

I can’t wait now to go see the specialist. I’m curious to see if he thinks these could be a factor. I mean if it’s scar tissue getting in the way it’s as simple as a laproscopy. I might have to go give my OB/GYN an ear full. I’m waiting to see what Dr. Reshef says about it first lol. It really may be nothing, but still I feel like as a patient I have the right to know these results. Not just be told everything looks fine. Oh well just glad to be going forward.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Time for a Break

My spirits are actually pretty high today. I have decided to take a little break from all the craziness that is TTC. It was so nice to wake up this morning and not worry about sticking a thermometer in my mouth. It's going to be nice going through this month not buying OPK's or HPT's. It's going to be nice to enjoy my husband for the simple purity that he is my husband and not someone I need to make a baby. My mind feels so free already. I just don't want to care this month, and suprisingly I don't.

FYI-After this month I do think it's time to see a specialist. It's been over 2 years now.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Short Story

I started. 

The End  

This is Ridiculous

Well I still don’t know what’s going on. CD 31 and no period or positive pg test. I’ve never had a cycle longer than 29 days. The Clomid is supposed to help things not hinder them. I’m so tired of all this mess. Why is it so easy for some people. It doesn’t help that I should be having a child in 7 weeks. It’s just really not fair. I’m finally at my breaking point. I can’t handle this anymore. At this moment I have lost the desire to conceive a child. It’s consumed my everything. I have to get my life back. If this isn’t God’s will then I’m going to have to find a way to deal with it. I just want to break down right now. Of course I’m at work though so I have to pretend like my life is perfect. Guess I’ll lose it when I get home.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Ahhhh the suspense

So for those of you who may actually read my blog and may be wondering what is going on,  I don't have an answer for you lol.  I am officially late but the stupid pg test wont work the way I want it to haha.  I'll be testing again in the morning!  FX.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Getting Anxious

I should be testing within the next couple of days. Part of me is overcome with excitement and part of me is scared to death. The thought of having to go through another miscarriage scares the crap out of me. I really hope to be able to put my trust in God when that time comes. If you are wondering I’m feeling pretty confident about this month. I just have some “symptoms” that are leading me to believe I am and my chart looks AMAZING!!!! Guess we will know soon. We’re still fumbling around with when we will tell people. We would like to tell our families right away. Then I’m sure I’ll post it on my blog. Those who read it will know. I really don’t want to tell work for a while. Well say a little prayer for us and I’ll be letting ya’ll know soon. Hopefully it’s good news.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Holy Ovaries

I had my ultrasound on Monday. From what I know and what I've asked others I think it's a good report. I had around 4-6 follicles. I only wrote down the sizes of 4. Here they are: 14.47mm, 16.65mm, 16.23mm, 20.96mm. From my understanding they grow at about 2mm every other day and are ready to release around 20 or higher. My uterine lining was a 6.5. I'm not really confident with this number although they say anything above 5 is good. Last time I got put on an estrogen patch to help thicken my lining. Not sure if that is going to happen this time because my stinking Dr won't call me back. Anyways, so I can majorly feel things developing in my ovaries. It's really strange. I'm pretty sure I'm about to release an egg any moment which will be kind of early for me, but I'm not complaining. That means I'll find out sooner if we are pg. Well gotta go get busy....ok that was TMI!
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3