Friday, August 26, 2011


As I lay here staring at my two miracle babies I cannot help but know how incredibly blessed I have been with them. I had a twin pregnancy. Things could have turned at any time. I could have had them extremely early and not been able to bring them home. They were born at 37 weeks. They could have had so many complications. I've had one miscarriage. It could have happened again. But it didn't. They are perfectly healthy and they came out that way. I'm lucky, fortunate and INCREDIBLY blessed! It turns out the other way for so many people. My boys are THE best babies too. They only cry if they are hungry. They will lay and play by themselves for hours. They take two hour naps every afternoon. (So does momma.) They have always slept at least 3-4 hrs at a time and as of 8 wks they sleep through the night. I marvel at God's work. I would go through the pain of Infertility a million times over if this is my outcome!

The first time I laid my eyes of Beckham

The first time I laid my eyes on Brody

And the first time my heart and life was truly full

The moment you first hold your children is one you will never forget!

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Psalm 127:3

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Cycle Day 5

Why am I counting cycle days again? Oh I don't know probaby because it's all I know. I feel like I should have already been violated once at the Dr and starting today I should be taking my pills in the hopes to become dissapointed pregnant . I should be starting ovulation tests in 5 days. I should be seeing my thermometer lying next to my bed. This month marks one year since we last tried to get pregnant in a somewhat normal way. We started our IVF process in September. Amazing how a year later everything can still feel the same. I no longer know how to have a normal cycle. I don't even know how it's going to feel to start my period at the end of this cycle and not bawl. Not be overcome with anger, hurt and failure. I will always be an Infertile. Those feelings will never go away. I will never be able to forget what I went through to get these amazing boys. And I am thankful for that. While others may cringe at their baby screaming their head off in the backseat, I smile. I tear up and praise God that I get to hear that amazing sound. I will never once be upset at what I have asked God for so many nights. That screaming is a reminder to me that God is good. I have posted this poem two times already on my blog. It hit home before and it was something I longed to feel, but now I can truly understand the power of it. For those of you who didn't have to struggle, as you're reading this poem and you're losing your patience with your child, just remember there are still a million girls out there that would give ANYTHING to be in your shoes.

I Will be a Mother Someday

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

These are my miracles and I will NEVER take them for granted

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Picture Overload

I just wanted to say welcome to my new followers. I have deleted my facebook account so I promise to keep up with this more. Here are some of the professional maternity and newborn pics we had taken. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3