Sorry, I've been really bad about blogging lately. I think I've ran out of emotions. First let me tell you how Mothers Day went for me. The best part of the day was when my wonderful husband brought me home flowers and a card (from the puppies). It was so sweet of him to think of doing that. As soon as I read the card my emotions just let lose. I BAWLED my eyes out. I had been bottling up all that I was feeling and I finally just let it go. He thought that he had done something wrong. hah men. They are so funny sometimes. He told me he was scared to bring them because he didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I hate that he even has to question that. I wish it was just simple and he could bring me flowers with joy because I am the mother of our child, but I'm technically not. Even though we know we have a child in heaven. That wasn't my only melt down. We went to his moms and celebrated and I was fine there, but then we went to my parents. When we were telling them bye I just busted out again. I cried hard that time. Like can't catch your breath hard. There is just so much pain involved with Infertility and Miscarriage that you can't understand unless you have been there. I know all these people around me feel so sad for me. I really try not to place that burden on my friends or parents, but sometimes I just need to get it out. By the way thank you Marie. I had another good cry with her too the same night. So enough about my emotional mess.
The other thing that happened big in our life recently is we decided to sell our house. We have found some land that we want to build our next home on. Hopefully it will sell soon and we will be "semi" country folk by next year. It makes me really sad to think about not living in this house. This is where we started our journey. There are so many memories here in just 3 short years. But once we move maybe it will be like a fresh start.
I'll try and keep up more. Maybe something exciting will happen soon :)
Boys
2 comments:
Oh, hun, I so feel your pain about infertility and loss. It is such a deep and unique pain, only those of us who have been through it can truly understand. We have to stick together. I wish good things for you too - a fresh start sounds amazing! Keep us updated on all the wonderful things coming your way:)....
I had to laugh at that "semi-country folk" comment. That was cute! I LOVE the country so I am jealous that you get to buy some land and build a house, lucky girl! Hopefully, this will give you a new focus and a new project to work on while you continue trying to make a babe. =)
God bless you sweetheart girl. I'm glad that you were able to let out some much needed emotions on Mother's Day.
Let me tell you.. I almost started crying at church because the associate pastor asked for all of the Mothers in the congregation to please stand up and be recognized. Which was (as always) annoying to me but still okay... UNTIL he threw in the comment "Not the women who just WANT to be mothers.. but the actual mothers in the crowd."
WTF?????? Who in their right mind SAYS crap like that??!! Not only could I not stand up.. but now I was being berated for even "wanting" to stand up. I looked at my husband (who looked at me like, "I'm gonna kill that guy") and I was trying SO hard not to cry. Like, I had to redirect my mind to baseball and firetrucks just to keep from bawling.
So, I just want you to know.. your not the only one sister! I had a sucky mothers day as well!
Maybe next year it will be better for all of us! =/ And that was so sweet of your husband to get you a gift btw. My husband didnt even do that! =S
LOVE YOU-
Courtney XOXO
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