Happy 6 Months

I cannot believe the boys are ½ a year old. I mean really, where did the time go? They are getting so much personality and really growing in to their own ways. The fun is really beginning.


Beckham:

Length: 25 ½ in (9.6%)

Weight: 13lb 13 oz (1.8%)

Head Circumference: 17 (46%)

Who does your baby look like: Robert all the way

Baby’s current milestone achievement: Army crawl

Baby’s favorite thing to do: Smile! And bounce even in mid hair with his legs dangling ;)

As you can tell this poor little guy is tiny, but smart! Ha. He is still constantly sick, but always manages to be happy. He does the most awkward army crawl where he rolls to his side and then reaches his arm up to pull himself forward. It’s so stinking cute!



Brody:

Length: 26 ½ in (45%)

Weight: 15lb 2 oz (9.73%)

Head Circumference: 16 ¾ (27%)

Who does your baby look like: He has my eyes and curly blonde hair, but looks a lot like my nephew when he was a baby.

Baby’s current milestone achievement: rolling like crazy and saying ba ba ba

Baby’s favorite thing to do: Sleep. Yep, me and him could sleep all day 

Yes he is quite a bit bigger than his brother. I really am not sure how his head is smaller. Lol. He has the most beautiful blue eyes and still the most kissable lips! He has my personality. Stubborn ha. He will let you know (with a grunt) when he is not satisfied.



They have both started eating baby food. They LOVE squash. The only one they haven’t liked was peas. I will be trying fruits within the next week. Every time I’m feeding them I still look in amazement at not only the fact that I am so blessed to actually have two babies to feed, but that they are actually here. Some days it still doesn’t seem real. What I had hoped and prayed for for so long is right in front of me. It’s the most amazing feeling to be their mommy and be needed. The other night my heart melted. My dad was trying to get Beckham to sleep and he just wasn’t budging. I grabbed him and he immediately fell asleep in my arms. Right then I realized that the love I had longed for for so long was laying in my arms. I am their mommy. I am the one who can comfort them when no one else can. I waited so long to feel that with so many nights not knowing if it was ever going to happen. Here I am. Living my dream. No matter what else is going on in my life I can never be ungrateful because of the extreme amount of blessings God has poured in to my life. He is good and I am thankful!

HAPPY 6 MONTHS MY LITTLE PUMPKIN BUTTS

MOMMY LOVES YOU SO MUCH

The Sweetest Words

I've always known I was meant to be a mom. As many of you know it something I have longed for for a really long time.  The journey has been so long and extrememly emotional, but there are little moments, now that I'm a mom, that make that journey completely worth it. They are those moments that make me know I would do it all over again to experience what I'm experiencing now.  Last night was one of them.  I heard for the first time my sweet baby boy Beckham say "mama". What a miracle word!

To My Boys

Beckham- My oldest child (by 1 minute). Mommy loves you more than words, kisses or hugs could ever express. You will be 5 months old tomorrow.  I do not know where the time has gone.  You have gone from a 5lb 6oz little bundle of joy to an ever growing handsome boy.  I love the little smiles you give when you see me.  It melts my heart.  You have the sweetest most innocent little voice.  You love to talk to me all the way home from daycare.  We talk about your day and I tell you how much I love you.  You do not like your cereal and pretty much just wear it.  You roll over so good now and you have the strongest little crooked head. You have started giggling recently and it just makes me so happy when I hear it. You've started exploring  so much with your eyes and hands. You love to grab things and just feel them.  You especially like to do this to mommy's face when you are laying next to me. It's one of those times I lay, close my eyes and thank God for that touch. My favorite time with you is the middle of the night when you have a coughing spell (you are always sick). You just HAVE to be propped so what better place than on my pillow with me.  Oh how I love your little snuggle.  You are one of the best snugglers.  You bury your face next to mine and that's when I steal all your kisses.  You don't mind.  You just sleep away.  I want the world for you.  I hope you always know how much I love you and that I would do anything for you my little monkey boy.

Hi Sweet Boy

Brody-Mommy's little tough guy.  You also turn 5 months tomorrow.  I still can't believe that you and your bubba are this old already. By looking at you, you would have never known that you once fit in to preemie clothes.  I think you are going to be my linebacker. (For OU of course) You have the most beautiful blue eyes and the most beautiful big smile.  You giggle when I kiss your neck and I think my heart grows by a million.  You love to scream and grunt.  You pretty much sleep the whole way home from daycare so I don't get to hear about your day.  You talk the most either first thing in the morning or when you are laying in your bed trying to go to sleep at night.  You love your cereal and for the first time last night you actually cried in between bites because I wasn't feeding it to you fast enough.  It was pretty cute.  You have really started exploring with your eyes and hands.  You will reach for toys and put them straight in your mouth.  You LOVE my kisses and will open your mouth for them.  You better do this for the rest of your life. (maybe not the open mouth part) I love you more than words, hugs or kisses could ever express and I also want the world for you.  I will be here for you whatever you need.  Mommy loves you monster.

Hi Handsome Boy

You two have came in to my life and turned it upside down for the better.  I never knew the love I could have for someone else.  Our God is so great in everything he does and I hope I can lead you down a path to follow Him.  I know you will both grow up to be amazing men.  I love you with all my heart.

Mommy

What If

What if you were to wake up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?
I can honestly say if this were true, I would 100%  without a doubt wake up with my boys!  There are probably at least 2 times in a day where I will praise Him for the gift He has given me.  I don't know that I've ever had anything in my life that has made me stop on a daily basis and say thank you.  I know what a miracle they are.  God didn't have to give me this blessing, but He did.  And I am so incredibly grateful ever day of my life. 

One of my favorite moments is when Brody sleeps in my arms

He was so exhausted he just slept with his hand on his cheek

When

When did my babies go from this

To this

I just love them more and more everyday and I never know how that is even possible.  They will be 5 months in two weeks :(  Can't I freeze time?  

Happy Halloween

We brought the boys up to work on Thursday last week so they could trick or treat with mom and dads coworkers. We had fun showing them off. Then last night was Halloween and we just took them to my parents and Robert's moms. They did not like the masks that went with these so just enjoy their cuteness in the outfit.

Here are some more random cuteness pics.

This is Beckham at the Dr yesterday. Poor kid is always sick and has been to the Dr more in his life than most. He will always smile though. He also rolled over from his back to tummy for the first time last night. (I know I still owe a video of him rolling over). Here is Brody. He has found his feet and absolutely loves them! I think this is one of the cutest things ever. He will just lay there and grab them and roll from side to side. He has yet to roll over, but he has a little more belly to work with :)

On another note I just went through and read a blog that I hadn't seen in a while. I have a few friends (yes sadly more than one) who have lost their babies in the last year. My heart always ached for them, but I never truly got how devastating it would be until I had my boys. The thought of not seeing those smiles every day or hearing those sweet little coos is absolutely heartwrenching. I am going to do a better job of taking every day in. Not taking for granted the nights when I get to look down at those sweet faces and kiss all over them. No one is promised tomorrow and I want to take advantage of every second I have with them. They are my life!

The Day Two Miracles Were Created

This day one year ago was one of the most miraculous days of my life. As of this time a year ago my boys were created. I remember walking in to the clinic that morning with so many fears. Would they get enough eggs? Would they fertilize? Would we have a baby at the end of this? They retrieved 13 eggs that day. 10 fertilized. Two of those eggs are my beautiful amazing little boys. It’s amazing how God picked them out. Only two eggs survived and were put back in me and to know those created this HUGE blessing in my life is breathtaking. It’s an emotion that I cannot explain. Even though IVF was a crazy ride I love the fact that we know the exact day our boys were made. Not many can say that. Today is a day to celebrate what an amazing God we serve. He knew what this would bring us. He reserved these boys just for Robert and I. What better gift in life can you ask for! I literally tear up with happiness every time I think of those cute little boys. My life is so rich and I only have God to thank for that. They are what make my world go round.



On a different note Beckham roled over for the first time last night. I was so excited to actually witness it. My biggest fear is that they would do all these things at daycare. Gosh I love them!

(video to follow)

The Boys are Growing

I have been an absolutely horrible blogger. I feel like life is just flashing before my eyes! The boys are getting so big. When did this happen? I am loving every minute with them. Brody laughed out loud for the first time this weekend and is so close to rolling over from his stomach to back. It's so funny as a mom to sit there and cheer on your 4 month old to roll over. It's so exciting though. Beckham has really started developing his own personality. He is my fit throwing back archer. He is going to be a quiet trouble maker. He will be laying there screaming and then out of nowhere stop and smile. It's the cutest thing ever! My love for these boys grows daily. I don't even know how that is possible, but it is. I officially have to watch Beckham in his swing. Here is a pic of why.



This was during one of his fits. He has gotten really good at those lately. They are still really good babies for the most part though. They slept in their cribs for the first time Friday night. It lasted till about 4am then they were back in our room and haven't slept in their since. I'm still having a really hard time letting them be that far away from me. I don't feel like I can protect them.

These boys love each other so much already. Here is a picture to prove it. I have a million just like this.



Here are just a few more to show you how big they have gotten. SO. IN. LOVE.

My New Favorite Thing

Here lately Beckham has been getting fussy about 3:30am. We feed them at 5:00am so I do not want to give him a bottle because he will be completely off for the day. (yes I'm that mean). I have discovered that if I lay him in bed with me he falls right back to sleep. I ABSOLUTELY love this!! He will snuggle his little head right in to mine. He needs me :) I realize a million people say this is a bad habit to get in to, but I don't care. My babies will only want to love on their momma for so long and I'm going to take FULL advantage of it. I love those boys so much.

Back to Work

This was probably one of the hardest weeks of my life. I had to leave my baby boys for the first time to go back to work last Monday. My mom took off for the week to keep them, so it made my transition a little easier. I started crying the Friday before and pretty much didn't stop until Monday. Monday morning was so hard to leave them. I knew that I would not be seeing those smiley little faces for 11 1/2 more hours. This Tuesday will be their first day of daycare. I think this might be even harder. I have to leave them with complete strangers. What if they don't love them enough? What if they just let them lay their all day? What if they don't feed them on schedule? We are putting our world in the care of someone else. I've had such a hard time with the idea of working and not staying home with them. I feel like someone else gets to raise them. Someone else gets to see their firsts. Someone else gets to see those precious little smiles all day long while I'm sitting at a desk. It absolutely breaks my heart! We tried for so long for these little miracles and now someone else gets to spend more time in a day than we do with them. I've looked at numbers over and over again and it's just not possible for me to stay home right now. I always worry too if I don't work will we be able to provide all the things we want for them? Everyone tells me it will get easier, but i don't think it ever will. These early years are years you can never get back and I just feel like I'm going to miss it all. I have had several people say, you will want that adult time away from them. I have to honestly say I am not one of those people. I could spend every minute of every day with those little amazing gifts from God. Some times in life we have to do things we don't want to do though and I know for them at this age it's a lot harder on momma than it is on them.

Blessed

As I lay here staring at my two miracle babies I cannot help but know how incredibly blessed I have been with them. I had a twin pregnancy. Things could have turned at any time. I could have had them extremely early and not been able to bring them home. They were born at 37 weeks. They could have had so many complications. I've had one miscarriage. It could have happened again. But it didn't. They are perfectly healthy and they came out that way. I'm lucky, fortunate and INCREDIBLY blessed! It turns out the other way for so many people. My boys are THE best babies too. They only cry if they are hungry. They will lay and play by themselves for hours. They take two hour naps every afternoon. (So does momma.) They have always slept at least 3-4 hrs at a time and as of 8 wks they sleep through the night. I marvel at God's work. I would go through the pain of Infertility a million times over if this is my outcome!

The first time I laid my eyes of Beckham


The first time I laid my eyes on Brody


And the first time my heart and life was truly full



The moment you first hold your children is one you will never forget!

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Psalm 127:3

Cycle Day 5

Why am I counting cycle days again? Oh I don't know probaby because it's all I know. I feel like I should have already been violated once at the Dr and starting today I should be taking my pills in the hopes to become dissapointed pregnant . I should be starting ovulation tests in 5 days. I should be seeing my thermometer lying next to my bed. This month marks one year since we last tried to get pregnant in a somewhat normal way. We started our IVF process in September. Amazing how a year later everything can still feel the same. I no longer know how to have a normal cycle. I don't even know how it's going to feel to start my period at the end of this cycle and not bawl. Not be overcome with anger, hurt and failure. I will always be an Infertile. Those feelings will never go away. I will never be able to forget what I went through to get these amazing boys. And I am thankful for that. While others may cringe at their baby screaming their head off in the backseat, I smile. I tear up and praise God that I get to hear that amazing sound. I will never once be upset at what I have asked God for so many nights. That screaming is a reminder to me that God is good. I have posted this poem two times already on my blog. It hit home before and it was something I longed to feel, but now I can truly understand the power of it. For those of you who didn't have to struggle, as you're reading this poem and you're losing your patience with your child, just remember there are still a million girls out there that would give ANYTHING to be in your shoes.

I Will be a Mother Someday

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

These are my miracles and I will NEVER take them for granted

Picture Overload

I just wanted to say welcome to my new followers. I have deleted my facebook account so I promise to keep up with this more. Here are some of the professional maternity and newborn pics we had taken. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!

6 Weeks and Other Randoms

warning...this may be a long blog

Where has 6 weeks gone. I cannot believe my babies are this old already. It honestly breaks my heart to think about. If this amount of time has flown by already I just know the rest will be flying by too and I'm not ready for my boys to not want their momma. (yes I realize this is like 10 yrs away.) They are both growing so much and developing their own personalities.




Brody- Weighs approximately 8.2 lbs. He is our little chunk and I love it. He started cooing yesterday and this morning he smiled at me for the first time while talking to him. He is our grunter. Sometimes it's just because he's bored and others because he has tummy problems. Either way he would rather grunt than cry. He's actually doing it as I type. lol. When he wants your attention he will squeal. It's so cute! He's eating 3.5 oz every 3 hours and sleeping about 4-4.5 hours at night. I think he is going to be my busy body who can't sit still. Within the past week he has really started to focus on things like lights, tv, and most importantly me :)He loves to pucker up his lips to give mommy kisses. He has outgrown all his newborn clothes and is in 0-3. This really makes me sad. He is getting so big already and losing that newborn look.



Beckham- Weighs approximately 7.2 lbs. He is the little guy. It's amazing the size difference between him and Brody. I wonder all the time if he will ever catch up. He is the relaxed one. He can just lay by himself and stare away at anything. He has been able to focus on things for a while now. He smiled at me for the first time about 2 weeks ago. He might be a fit thrower though because he already has the arching his back thing down. There are something about his eyes that draw you in. I've felt this since day one with him. He is eating 3 oz every 3 hours and sleeps 4-4.5 hours a night. He is still in his newborn clothes and probably will be for another month.

Both of my boys are growing so fast. They really are good babies and I feel very lucky. They have made it very easy. I honestly think one child would be a piece of cake. Robert went back to work this week. Since he went back we have really established a routine and it's wonderful. The best part of our day is the 2 hour nap in the afternoon for all of us. Oh how I'm going to miss that when I go back to work. I start back 4 weeks from Monday. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do ti. The thought of someone else being with my children more than me and someone else getting to see all their milestones BREAKS MY HEART! I hate that everything is so expensive these days where it's almost impossible to just have one income. I would love to be able to find something part time that pays well, but I'm not sure if that exists. People say it gets easier, but I'm just not sure that I'll ever be ok with it. :(

I've started having body issues in the past week. I was losing weight like crazy and then all the sudden it just stopped. I have 20 more lbs to go to pre pregnancy weight,plus I'd like to lose another 15. I know it's going to take time because I gained quite a bit more than a normal pregnancy, but I'm ready for my old body. I also have discovered stretch marks. I did not see these during my pregnancy, but they are apparent now. I'm hoping with a little tanning they wont be that noticable. I started working out again and eating better so hopefully I'll see some results. And yes I would do it all over again knowing that I'd have this body after.

There is so much more that I think of blogging about, but I have to go change some diapers, so I will try to write more in the next few days. I'll leave you with some pictures for now.

Breastfeeding...Well Sorta

Breastfeeding is something I have known I wanted to do since I thought about having children. It's important to me. When I found out I was having twins I had to face the reality that it may not be a possibility. I've tried to prepare myself over the last nine months to not lose it if I could't. (Yeah right)

So here is how it has gone. I told all my family and friends that right after the boys birth I wanted it to be me and Robert in the room for about the first hour so we could bond and so that I could try to breastfeed. Brody came out ready to eat. Literally! He was already looking for the boob. Beckham not so much. Much to my surprise Brody latched on right away. YAY. Beckham eventually did witht he help of the nurse. Here I was 30 min after bringing them in to this world providing them with what they need to survive. Something only I can give them. It was the most amazing rewarding experience. (I'm sure the drugs helped too ;) I continued to feed them while we were in the hospital. Brody would always latch on right away, but we had to trick Beckham with some formula from a syringe to get him to latch on. Feeding at home continured to go good. We had to bring them back in for weight checks 2 days after we left. The boys were both still losing weight and with them being so small in the first place the nurses were worried. I told them about the struggle with Beckham and that's when we were told to try pumping from the side that Brody was not on and bottle feeding Beckham. I was ok with this because I at least had one baby that still latched on. We were told to come back the next day for another weight check after changing things up. They finally had gained weigth. This made me one proud momma. A couple of days had gone by and I started to notice Brody was getting hungry about 15 min after he ate. It never occured to me until that moment that he wasn't getting enough milk from me. I was only pumping 1 oz from the breast that Beckham was getting and we were supplementing him to have 2 oz. I was starving my poor baby. Robert suggested that we do the same with Brody as we were doing with Beckham. I lost it! I knew it was the right thing to do so he would not starve, but it hurt. This is something I have longed to be able to do with my babies for so long and it turns out I can't. I had my little cry and soon got over it. I know pump for both boys and am getting about 2 oz from each side. Beckham is eating 3 oz and Brody is eating 3 1/2 oz. Which means I'm still having to supplement. I have to remember that if I only had one child I would have plenty. I have two, but that doesn't make this any easier.

p.s when Brody gets hungry in between meals I let him have the boob ;) it comforts him and momma!

Breastfeeding takes a lot of commitment. Our schedule revolves around their feeding times, so we really don't get out much. I've thought about switching to straight formula already because I often wonder if giving them just 2 oz of my milk is really worth it? The middle of the night is the hardest part when I wake up to pump and everyone else is sound asleep. BUT, there is just something so special and rewarding knowing that you are giving them something NO ONE else can! I LOVE BEING A MOMMY

My Miracles Are Here

We welcomed Beckham Cale and Brody Kingston in the to the world on June 17th. I had a scheduled c-section since baby A was breech. The delivery went very smooth and both babies are as healthy as can be. Beckham was born at 9:09 and weighed 5lbs 6oz and was 18 in long. Brody was born at 9:10 and weighed 6lbs 2oz and was 20 in long. They are just perfect. I look at them and wonder why God decided to bless us with these two amazing babies. What did we do to deserve such miracles? It's amazing to think 4 years ago we longed for this day and now it's here. All the tears and heartache are worth what is before our eyes now. For those of you still longing for this day, trust me, when it comes you will feel the same way. Here are our miracles.

Brody


Beckham


Brotherly Love

Showers

I have been such a slacker on this blog. These boys are about to be here so I have a feeling it will get even worse, but once again I'll promise to try and be better. We had three showers for the boys. One from work, one from family and one from friends. I cannot even begin to describe how incredibly blessed we are to have all the people we do in our lives. Here are a few pics from the showers.









I will leave you with my latest belly pic and I will post another blog this week to update you on when these little stinkers should arrive.

In a Years Time

Wow what a difference a year makes. Yesterday was Mother's Day. A year ago this day was literally one of the most painful days of my Infertily journey. I remember starting the day out knowing I couldn't go to church because I didn't want to hear all the talk about mothers. I didn't want to have to hear the Pastor say Happy Mother's Day. So we skipped church. We then went to my mother in laws where I decided it would be a good idea to drown my sorrows in some wine. Great idea. I was pretty much in a daze the entire time I was there and just really wanted to lock myself in a room and cry. We then had to go make a stop by my moms house. Still in a daze and not really good company we decided to leave. As we were hugging my parents goodbye I lost it. And I mean really lost it! I remember saying I just don't understand why. It's not fair! This Mother's Day was after losing our baby too and that just added to the sadness and hurt. My parents just held me. After leaving there I decided I needed go talk to a friend. So I called up my friend Marie and went over to her house. Knowing what I know now I feel horrible about going over there because she had just found out she was pregnant and here I am being an emotional mess, but she is a great friend like that and was there for me. It felt good to talk to her and let out some more tears. (I truly am so thankful for all my friends that were there for me at this time) I went home that night and let out some more painful heartache. I will never forget the pain of that day and I will forever be aware on Mother's Day that there are so many woman out there hurting and longing to be a mother still.

This year Mother's Day was much happier for me. I had no fear of hearing those words. I could tell others Happy Mother's Day and not feel jealous. I am so thankful to God for the miracles that he is blessing us with this year. I cannot wait to be a mommy!

Nursery and More Updates

I'll start witht the nursery first. We have actually had this done for a while, but again I've been to lazy to post. That should be changing soon. I'll explain later. We had discussed when we were trying that if it was a girl I got to do the nursery and if it was a boy Robert got to do it. We just had to agree on what was picked. Robert wanted sports which was fine with me however I didn't want the cartoony (I may have made up that word) kind. So we found this one we both love called Cooperstown. It's more vintage. We thought we were going to have a hard time in the beginning because it is actually discontinued and we had to order from several different places. It all came together perfectly though. So here you go.








The only thing we are missing is the hamper and rug which we registered for. I cannot wait for my little boys to be sleeping in there. (which will be a while :)

Alright let's get to other business. The reason I plan on having more time(aka not be lazy) to blog is because my Dr is taking me off work at 32 wks. That's only 2 1/2weeks left of work. I'm actually really excited about this because I can rest and focus on keeping these boys in here as long as possible. My goal for now is 36 weeks but I definitely would like to go to 38 wks. I had my Specialist appointment yesterday and my cervical length is still measuring great at about 3.34 and the boys are getting big. Beckham weighs 2lb 13oz and Brody weighs 3lb 1oz. I'm so proud of how good they are doing. I also had my regular OB appointment. I had failed my 1 hour glucose so I had to do the 3 hour. It was miserable, but I PASSED!! YAY. I have now gained 40 lbs. I'm thinking it will be over 50 by the time I give birth. Hey they need room! I'm now measuring 37 wks. I find this hilarious! I have not thown up in almost 3 wks now. I have however gotten extremely uncomfortable in the past week. I am definitely feeling the strain of their weight. Sleeping is almost non existent. Breathing hahahah...... I feel like I"m going to think I can run a marathon once they are out. The past two weeks have been great though as far as feeling them goes. Their kicks have turned more in to rolls. I can just put my hand on my stomach and feel them move in there. It's truly the most amazing feeling in the world! 8 MORE WEEKS!!!!!