I know a lot of you have been waiting for this post for a while now. I've wanted to write it but I've been trying to figure out the best way to portray my new life as a mom to three babies under two without sounding like I'm ungrateful or have regrets. So I will just start off by saying that I still feel extremely blessed by the life I have been given and even though it may be extremely hard I would not trade it for anything.
Since the day we welcomed Bray in to this world life has not been the same. Our lives have been turned upside down even more so than with the twins. Don't get me wrong. Things changed when the twins were born, but things still seemed to go at a slower pace. We were able to accomplish simple tasks such as laundry and eating dinner. These days we are lucky if we get a meal or even just get to sit down by 8pm. There are constantly bottles, dishes and pumping supplies to wash, laundry to be done (almost daily), dinner to be made (for the boys only), Bray wants to nurse during that dinner time, three baths to be taken, pumping and bags, lunches, etc to be packed for the next day. So needless to say we barely have time to breathe.
Let's just walk through a typical day in our household. We'll start with wake up time.
4:20 am - alarm goes off. Roll over hit snooze because I can't open my eyes.
4:30 am - alarm goes off again. Bray is usually stirring by this point so I unwillingly say fine and get up. I go warm a bottle while Robert gets up and starts getting ready. Feed Bray. Lay him back down. Sometimes he goes back to sleep and sometimes he just lays there and talks.
4:50 am - Get in shower. Beckham has usually woken up by this point and is crying for his momma, dadda and bubba. We let him cry. (I know we're horrible)
5:00 amish - Pump. Beckham has fallen back asleep by this time.
5:20 amish - Wash bottles and pump supplies and gather everthing up for the day. (pumping bag and Bray's bottles for daycare)
5:30 am - I can usually start finally getting myself ready for the day. Robert is finished by this point so he packs our lunch bags for the day and then starts getting the twins up and ready.
5:50 am - Get Bray changed and dressed and help Robert if he hasn't finished getting the twins dressed and brush their teeth and hair.
6:00 amish - Pack up our herd in my awesome hot mini van and head to daycare.
7:00-5:00 - Get relaxtion at work, but think nonstop (and cry sometimes) about the kids.
6:00pm - Get home, strip their clothes, put the boys in their chairs at the table and turn Lion King on to occupy them long enough to pop dinner in the microwave. (Yes, again we are horrible) Bray is usually asleep in his car seat and we leave him be for the moment.
6:15 pm - Dinner is served. Bray has woken up and is crying at this point because he is hungry even though he just ate an hour ago. (He still cluster feeds at night)
6:30 pm - Bray is attached to my boob. Brody has usually dumped his entire plate on the table and is making swirls of whatever sauce or fruit juice he had. Robert is gathering up laundry or getting bath and night stuff ready.
6:40 pm - Bray is still attached. (Some nights I just have to unattach him long enough to give the twins baths) Robert cleans off plates and hands and we head to the bath tub. Twins play for 5 minutes and then it's time to get down to business. They cry as we take them out because they love bath time. Get boys dressed and ready for bed. Bray is screaming at this time because how dare you not feed him.
7:00 pm - Get Bray bathed and ready for bed. Reattach Bray. Twins grab a book to take to bed. They give me and Bray a kiss and Robert puts them down. They have no problem going to sleep and are out within 5 minutes usually.
7:30 pm - Bray has usually fallen asleep by this point so I put him in his rock n play in our room.
7:45 pm - Finally grab us something to eat.
8:00 pm - Start washing bottles and pumping supplies from the day. Robert is cleaing off the table. Bray is crying. How dare you put him down. Robert goes in and rocks him back to sleep.
8:15 pm - Pump.
8:30 pm - Ah sleep.
12-3am - Bray will usually wake up somewhere between this point. I get up to get a bottle warmed while Robert changes him. Robert feeds Bray while I pump. Back to sleep.
4:20 am - Alarm goes off and so starts our day once again.
Our life is anything but relaxing at the moment. Here is where I'm going to tell you how I really feel most days and here is where my guilt begins. I sometimes dread nights. I love picking up all the boys and hearing Brody run to me yelling mommy and then giving them all the biggest hugs and kisses because I've missed them so much, but at the same time I know we are about to go home and have a million things to do. I know that I am going to be so exhausted from lack of sleep and being at work all day and all I really want to do is lay on a couch and go to sleep. But that is something that literally can't happen at our house. All the things we "have" to do are things that we literally have to do. There is nothing we can cut out and leave for the weekend. I find myself most nights almost in tears just from pure exhaustion. Both emotional and physical. I'm sad because there is no quality time with what is most likely our last baby. Then I'm sad because there is no play time with the twins. I find myself wanting them to be just a little older so they are more independent. Then I find myself crying because they are growing too fast. My mind is in a constant battle with itself. I get upset at the fact that we will never know what it is like to just have one baby. We got on the fast track baby plan and that ship is just sailing right along without stopping to enjoy the view. I love all three of my boys more than anything in this world and know that things happen when they are supposed to, but when do I get to enjoy them? When do I get to just take a moment, be mommy, and play. And I'm not talking just play in general. I'm talking play with each one individually. I feel guilty that they don't have that. I took Brody with me to Target the other day and it was one of the most fun times I've had with him. That sounds crazy but it was so different with just one kid. I know Summer is coming up and there will be more opportunities to do things with them, but then it's the issue of what to do with Bray. We have two toddlers that are still very dependent on us and have to be watched, so that leaves us one adult shy of a kid (Bray). I'm sure we will figure all this out eventually. It's still very new but on the same note each new phase of Bray's life will require more attention. Right now I feel is when it is going to be the easiest for the next couple of years. The bottom line is, for those that wanted to know what life was like, life is hard. It's exhausting. Somedays I truly do not know how I'm going to make it through another day. Somehow we just do.
4 comments:
:) babies keep us busy, buy soo soo worth it!
i have in no way shape or form felt the extreme demand on me that you and robert have, so i wont even pretend to understand!!! non the less i have 3 girls under 11 and i still struggle with having one on one with them. The awesome thing is the bond your boys will have with each other and how that one day they will depend on each other so much! When sofia (5 year old) has a bad dream she doesnt come to my room anymore, she goes and gets into bed with her sister Bella (7) and when i wake them up the next morning and they are snuggeled so tightly together it makes my heart melt. It does get easier but right now is obviously not the time, and one day you will wake up and not remember how hard it was,( it does go by fast) and you will find a fun new chapter and a new set of drama like keeping up with 3 in school and in my case one starting puberty. Just continue to ask God to give you strength and supernatural rest. You know we will continue to pray for you!!! also remember when things slow down in the near future, is the time they will remember you spending more one on one with them and when they get older thats when the family memories begin, they will not remember this hectic time in all of your lives, but they can always read about it in your blog lol You are such a awesome mom, i remember everyday when you guys would bring them to daycare there was just something differnt about the kinda bond and love you had with the boys, alot of parents would drop off at the door and walk out which i never understood!!!i knew Brody and Beckham were loved so much, and you always had EVERYTHING they could EVER need and then some packed in thier bags,LOL i think of you guys often and i will continue you all in my prayers! Give them all a big kiss from me!!!!!
I am tired just reading your schedule. I cannot imagine. It does sound like you have it down, that schedule is one where everyone is fed (eventually :)), all babies are loved and most babies are sleeping. Hope it gets easier and you get a long nap!
You are SO amazing! I don't know how you guys do it. I feel the same way, we had the babies so fast and furious that I don't always feel like I can enjoy it. We are just surviving a lot of times. I just remember that they KNOW they are loved, and that has to be enough some days!
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