If you've noticed a lack of my "i'm pregnant" post, it's because I"M NOT! Imagine that. I went in for my 3rd and final pre- IUI work up today. Nothing new to do this month. I did however discuss how we are ready to move on to IVF after this cycle if it doesn't work. My Dr. said he is willing to entertain the idea and sent me to get the IVF packet. I never thought reading material could get one person so overwhelmed and worked up. I knew that IVF was an invasive procedure, but reading the actual day to day steps just somehow hit me really hard. I actually starting crying reading it. Not only am I overwhelmed with the actual process, but I also have to figure out some way to go to frequent Dr. appointments and have surgery without telling work. I just moved to a new position and I really just don't want them knowing this part of my life. Most of it is because I don't want the constant questions and looks wondering if I'm pregnant yet. If you know what I mean? Another thing that hit me like a ton of bricks is the cost of things. Again, yes I knew how much it was, but now to see it broken down is crazy. We have to attend an IVF class on Aug 17th and just the class is $77.00. Then we will randomly be paying $44.00 (unless insurance covers this) for office visits such as getting tested for HIV, Hepatitis, blood type, and cholesterol. Who does this to have a baby? Us apparently. And not to mention the enormous amount of meds I will be on and have to pay for. So next time we tell you we can't afford hamburger buns, we have a reason. I have been spending a lot of time in prayer lately. I am trying to come to better terms with why we are going through this. Why we have to sacrifice so much when others don't. I just keep picturing holding our baby for the first time and know that this will all be worth it someday.
If this IUI doesn't work I will start the IVF process which starts with birth control pills (ironic yes) on August 28th. My surgery for retrieval of my eggs would be around October 9th and the transfer would take place around 3-5 days later. That would put me finding out around October 23rd. Seems like so far away.
4 comments:
Kandice, it breaks my heart that you are at this point. I prayed so hard that it would turn out different before now. For so many girls, IVF has been the miracle they needed to have a family. I so hope that it is for you too! I know it's a crazy emotional process, but I can also tell you that I would go through anything to be pregnant now. It is worth everything in the long run. Hang in there and call me anytime you need to.
I remember considering IVF, and the thought brought me to tears, too. We went a different path, but the pain is still there. As we are possibly getting closer to our baby girl, the song "unanswered prayers" rings true in my head. The line "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" makes me cry every time. I'm not that religious, but the thought that all that pain led me to these birth parents, this little girl...well, it all seems to make sense. I can't wait until it all makes sense (as much as it can) for you too. Your time WILL come, and I can't wait to read all about it:).
I've been thinking about you and praying that this works. I'm sure it's very overwhelming. But you're doing great. I admire you so much for staying strong through all of this. If anyone deserves to be holding a beautiful baby in her arms, it's you.
Hi sweetie. I found your blog through another blog. I feel your frustration completely. 1) I got an email yesterday and the music and video just moved me...I loved it! In the background plays Hallelujah. Then I read your blog and it starts playing this song...weird coincidence. So, thought I would pass this along to make you smile, even though I don't know you.
Check this out on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN8CKwdosjE
2) After reading your blog, you seem a bit down and frustrated. As cheesy as it sounds, I have just joined the blogger world this summer and I have met some amazing women, struggling with IF, who have made the journey easier...if that sounds possible. After reading the path you are going to be taking with IVF, I thought to throw in there the experience I am having. I, too, was exposed to that path but for many reasons, decided to explore more. I am now a patient of Dr. Hilgers in Omaha, Nebraska, at the Pope Paul VI Institute. Sounds crazy, i know, especially being from Alabama. But he is a world renowned Reproductive Endocrinologist and has been studying women and infertility for over 30 years. His success rate is over 80%. Basically, he studies your body and how it works down to the very minuscule things and he treats every woman as an individual. He does happen to be a Catholic infertility specialist, which means he doesn't believe in IUIs or IVF. This process is not only healthier for the woman but a lot less expensive. He does have a wait list because of his popularity, but I thought it would be a great option to share with you after reading your post.
Hope I'm not barging in and invading. The only reason I found out about him is because someone did the same for me. Whatever path you choose, I will pray for you dear. You are not alone:)
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