My Worst Fears

May 20th, 2013 will be a day that I will not be able to ever forget.  I came face to face with the reality of losing my children.

I knew that we were supposed to get bad storms that day and we were told to be aware of the possiblity of tornados.  It was right around 1:30 when they started to pop up.  I immediately started worrying about not being with the kids.  I called my sister to talk to her about where they were and what was going on.  She was on her way to get her kids out of school because things were going downhill fast.  I had to run in to a meeting at 2:00 so I told her to be careful and keep me updated.  In the meantime I knew my mother in law was home and I asked her to keep me updated as well.  Throughout the meeting I was getting texts about the location of the storm.  Towards the end of the meeting I got the news that the tornado was forming. This was the exact place our May 3rd tornado had formed.  I knew if this touched down it wasn't going to be good news.  We got out of the meeting at 3:00 and I had just enough time to put my stuff down when the sirens went off.  We all got moved to the stairwell.  I will never forget the feelings that were inside of me.  The tornado had touched down and it was headed straight for my boys daycare.  I had to sit there and just listen to those around me that were watching the coverage on their phones.  They were keeping me up to date on where the tornado was.  All I could do was pray. I have honestly never prayed that hard in my life.  "Lord, please keep my children safe, please don't let my children die, please Lord, please!"  It's all I could say over and over.  Tears just kept rolling down my face as I was thinking about what was going to happen. 

We were very fortunate that the tornado hit a few blocks south of their daycare.  We didn't go back to our desks that day, we just left work.  We couldn't get to our children fast enough.  I cried the whole way there.  I squeezed those little guys so tight and thanked God for keeping them safe.  I gave a few extra kisses that night before bed and honestly I wanted to just lay next to them.  I didn't want to leave their side.

I'm having a hard time processing the aftermath. The what ifs have haunted me for the past couple of days and I just can't stop thinking about if that tornado hadn't turned and went straight towards the daycare. I don't believe they would have survived. We rushed dropping them off that morning because we were running late. What if that had been the last moment we had with them?

There are so many that lost loved ones and children. I keep hearing more and more stories and I know that we are so fortunate to be holding our children today. For that I am forever grateful to my God.