Thursday, December 9, 2010

Finally the Story

Ok so as promised here is how the events of my finding out I'm pregnant unfolded.

On the Sat before my Beta test I woke up feeling extremely tired. It continued throughout that day and I'm pretty sure I took about 3 naps. I thought something was up then, so I waited for Robert to go to the gym and I went and took one of my cheap dollar tree tests. I didn't see anything at first, but then noticed a very very faint pink line. Now I know dollar tree tests are known to give evaps so I really didn't think much of it. I decided not to tell Robert just in case it was an error. It was actually a fun little (possible) secret to keep to myself for a night. That next morning worked out perfect because Robert actually got up before me so I ran to the bathroom and took an Answer test. I wish I could have recorded that look on my face when I saw two pink lines. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in a really long time! It was time to tell Robert the good news. I had had some Budoir portraits done for him back in February and while I was there I had her take a pic of me with the words I'm pregnant written on my belly. I had put it in the back of the book of pictures the week before just in case. I took it to him and said I have a present for you. He looked at me and said oh did you get more pics done. He opened it up and read those words he's been dying to hear. Then he asked me if I was sure and of course wanted a million more tests. lol. Hence the million tests from a previous post. I think he finally believed it after our beta. We only told my parents and his mom after the beta. We had planned to keep it to ourselves for a while afer that, but we all know how that turned out. Our families are so excited for us. They cannot wait to meet these two little ones.

Now on a more real note. I first one to say that I hope I do not hurt anyones feelings by the rest of this post. I know how hard it can be to hear pregnant woman complain about something that you want so badly, but please remember I was on this journey for 3 years 2 months and I know so very well the pain that goes with infertility, and I want you to know that I still feel like an infertile girl.

I am still so scared for this pregnancy. I feel myself not allowing myself to get attached to these babies or be excited about them. The first appointment we went to was the scariest day of my life. I was so nervous thinking the worst possible outcome. The second one was scary, but not as scary. And for the record the babies had made it past the point of my last pregnancy. It still doesn't comfort me though. I have one more appointment to make it through before I will feel like I can connect and enjoy this pregnancy. I just really can't imagine going through all of that again. I pray to God daily to keep my babies healthy and I actually have little pep talks with them to keep fighting. 6 more days and I hope I can move past what has become such an emotionally draining part of my life.

Morning sickness. AHHHHHHHHH.......... I'm pretty sure most days I feel like I just want to die. Weeks 8 and 9 were absolutely horrible! I was on the verge of wanting to go to the hospital because I could not keep anything I ate or drank down for a couple of days. And that is with taking 8mg of Zofran. It has since eased up a bit (TINY BIT). I still throw up about 4-5 times a day and feel sick for the most of the 24 hours in a day. All of this stared about 5 weeks so I am now going on 5 weeks of throwing up and feeling like poo daily. I don't know how I am surviving it, but I am. I'm PRAYING that it will only last 2 more weeks. PRAYING HARD! I can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I did stop the progesterone shots (PRAISE THE LORD) two days ago. I hope that gives me some relief as well. I know it will give my back some relief. The sickness is gradually getting better or at least I'm just getting use to it. I really do hope it means my babies are in there nice and snug. (Although this is not an indicator for me)

One fun thing that is happening is I do have a bit of a baby bump. It's really fun! I don't think I have officially "popped" yet, but I feel it coming. Stay tuned for belly pics.

I just want to say that I am very thankful, despite all of the madness, to be pregnant. I thank God daily for the blessings he has given us. I never dreamed that we would be doing In Vitro, but what a miracle (or two) we got out of it.


RELH said...

I am so happy for you!

Faith said...

Hang in there, girl. For MOST women, the 2nd tri is much better, I know it was for me. Don't worry about offending - that anxiety is normal after loss. I didn't really believe this pregnancy would progress until 14 weeks, and then wasn't able to really start connecting until 20 weeks. Doctors appointments were terrifying for me. It'll get better - can't wait to read your post all about your joy (and frustration) of having 2 little ones at home:).

Amber said...

I can't wait to see some belly pics!!! You are going to be so adorable. :)

I really hope you get to feeling better really soon. And you've earned your right to complain, so feel free!

LisaB said...

Aww great story!!

I don't blame you one bit for feeling a little unconnected. It's totally understandable. Also, I don't think it's wrong for you to talk about your morning sickness. I feel so bad that it's been so horrible for you! I hope and pray it gets better!!

Keep growing little ones! I can't wait for cute bump pics :-)

kkasun said...

Congrats, what a great story.
Not that I am out to offend anyone or anything, but I hope you will feel comforatable to post everything you are experiencing on your blog.
Regardless of how bad you want these babies, morning sickness sucks (at least I imagine it does)!
This is now your IF/pregnancy blog, if others don't support you, they can stop reading!!!

Amber D'Amico said...

I'm so excited for you! Don't ever feel bad about posting up anything that has to do with complaints, it's your time to shine and be happy, sad, sick or mean :) Your fear and worry are understandable... I hope soon you will be able to feel better about everything.

I look forward to following your pregnancy blogs :)

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3