Tuesday, February 1, 2011

For Everything There is a Reason

For those of you that have followed my blog from the beginning you know that I have often questioned God. Why was he putting us through this battle? Why would he not want us to be parents? why would he let someone feel this much pain? As much as I questioned, I always new that there was a reason and one day I would know just what that was. I didn't expect it to come so soon, but I think I now understand.

I have been very fortunate in my life to have never loste anyone close to me. At 28 that changed. On December 11, 2010 my grandpa passed away. He has fought parkinsons for a long time and most recently had been diagnosed with cancer. He had some great last days. He had one wish to have us all together on Thanksgiving and we all believe that that was what he was hanging on for because after that it went downhill. In his last days we all gathered around his bed and let him know that it was ok to go home and that we loved him. The night before he passed I was able to kiss him on the forehead, tell him I love him with an I love you back and have him squeeze my hand as if to say it's all going to be alright. I will cherish that last night with him forever. I asked him that night to watch over my babies and I believe he is doing just that as he cracks jokes with God. He was such an amazing man.

My family was very worried about me at this time. I think I was only about 10wks pregnant. Over all I think I handled it a lot better than I ever thought. I'm not sure if it was just the constant throwing up that took away the pain or the fact that I know he is no longer in pain and with our Lord and Saviour. Either way I think God chose this time for me to be pregnant because it's what my family needed. We needed a happy time in the midst of so much sadness.

Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Grandpa you will forever be missed and I can't wait to tell my children all about how amazing, funny, caring and loving my grandpa was. Thanks for watching over my babies from heaven. I love you!


Faith said...

Oh my, you have me in tears. I never had a grandparent I was close with, and I've always felt that hole in my life. You are so blessed to have had him for so long, and him you. His love will be carried on in the way you love your children, what a miracle. Hope you are feeling well!

Annabelle said...

Wow, you have me in tears! Amazing story and thank you for sharing. I have questioned my long ttc journey also and I hope to get answers soon, thank you for giving me hope!

Courtney said...

That was a beautiful post!! You are very blessed to have had such a close grandparent! I never did :(

Ive been stalking you on facebook to find out what those precious babies are! Im still sticking with my boy/girl prediction. :)

Glad you are feeling better!!!


Amber said...

What a sweet post. I'm sure he was an amazing man and will be a wonderful guardian to watch over your babies. This wait will make you appreciate every single sleepless night, dirty diaper, and puddle of vomit. You'll know how hard it was to get them and how lucky you are to have them!

Amber D'Amico said...

Perfect words, perfect post. And one of my favorite verses :)

D said...

I totally feel you. I question my faith in God many times -- more because I wonder if he will ever guide me / allow me to find a man who will love me and have babies with me. Wishing you only happy days as you continue this pregnancy.

Dawn in NC

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3