In a Years Time

Wow what a difference a year makes. Yesterday was Mother's Day. A year ago this day was literally one of the most painful days of my Infertily journey. I remember starting the day out knowing I couldn't go to church because I didn't want to hear all the talk about mothers. I didn't want to have to hear the Pastor say Happy Mother's Day. So we skipped church. We then went to my mother in laws where I decided it would be a good idea to drown my sorrows in some wine. Great idea. I was pretty much in a daze the entire time I was there and just really wanted to lock myself in a room and cry. We then had to go make a stop by my moms house. Still in a daze and not really good company we decided to leave. As we were hugging my parents goodbye I lost it. And I mean really lost it! I remember saying I just don't understand why. It's not fair! This Mother's Day was after losing our baby too and that just added to the sadness and hurt. My parents just held me. After leaving there I decided I needed go talk to a friend. So I called up my friend Marie and went over to her house. Knowing what I know now I feel horrible about going over there because she had just found out she was pregnant and here I am being an emotional mess, but she is a great friend like that and was there for me. It felt good to talk to her and let out some more tears. (I truly am so thankful for all my friends that were there for me at this time) I went home that night and let out some more painful heartache. I will never forget the pain of that day and I will forever be aware on Mother's Day that there are so many woman out there hurting and longing to be a mother still.

This year Mother's Day was much happier for me. I had no fear of hearing those words. I could tell others Happy Mother's Day and not feel jealous. I am so thankful to God for the miracles that he is blessing us with this year. I cannot wait to be a mommy!