Sometimes I wish no one knew what we were going through. I feel like the first thing people are thinking when they see me is "is she pg yet?", "should I ask questions?". I wish I could keep this all between me and my husband now. I don't regret telling people because the support has been amazing over the past 2 years, but now that we are closing in on 3 years I'm just kind of tired of talking about it. I'm tired of thinking about it, obsessing over it, and letting it control me. I don't want to put on that fake smile and say yes I know it will happen eventually. Truth is, I don't know that. No one knows that. In two weeks we will officially be considered infertile for the 2nd time. (you know the definition a couple trying for at least a year) I can't believe it's almost been a year since our baby was taken from us. I'm crying as I type this because I miss our baby so much. I never thought that we would still be here a year later empty handed and brokenhearted. It hurts to stop and think about how much time has really passed and the babies that have been born and the ones who are about to celebrate their 2nd birthday. I'm ready to move on from this "attachment" to our marriage. I just want to be Robert and Kandice again.
"Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see" Hebrews 11:1
4 comments:
Totally understand how you feel. I got to the point that it almost made me angry with people when they'd ask about it. It just gets SOOO frustrating! So on a brighter note, how's the new job???
I love you
Oh, I know that feeling. Since we've announced that we are adopting, the pressure is off. Hang in there, girl. I also think about the years since we lost our first baby. I have seen SO many babies conceived (well, I didn't SEE them:)), carried born, and had first birthdays since then. And here we sit. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! Hang in there....
I completely agree with you... it becomes the topic of every conversation. It's frustrating and sad. You are someone else besides a statistic in the infertile world -- you are a wife, a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a Christian, a worker... the list goes on and on but instead of asking about the those things they ask about the one thing you want to talk the least about.
Hang in there... It's tough and it sucks but hang in there.
The verse in Hebrews is my favorite verse in the entire bible!
I'll continue to pray for your strength.
Know that you're not alone :)
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