It's been a while since I have posted. Honestly it's because I really haven't been thinking about this infertility crap! I started a fitness bootcamp two weeks ago and I've really just been focused on getting back in shape and healthy again. I didn't temp at all the first part of the month. I kept setting my thermometer out and when I would wake up I was too lazy to stick it in my mouth. I finally picked it back up on cd 13 because I was having some mid cycle spotting and was worried it was from ovulation and I would miss it. But it wasn't, so I'm not sure what that was about. I'm on cd 16 right now and haven't ovulated yet, which is pretty late for me. I'm sure I will within the next few days and it's on to the wait again. I really think I'm at a point that I don't care if I get pg in the next few months. Like I said in my earlier post, I'm really just tired of it all. Quite honestly it's been really refreshing to not be worrying about it. Another big reason I don't really care right now is because we have about $1600 in medical bills. $1200 of that is from my surgery. Another $200 is from Robert's portion of our IUI. People who know me know I freak out when I have outstanding bills. Don't get me wrong I will still probably cry if I am not pg this month, but at least the in between isn't so bad right now.
Today is one year since we found out that our baby hadn't survived. I honestly don't think I will ever forget how painful that day was. I will say that I am very proud of how far we have come since that day. Both emotionally and in our marriage. As much as that day hurt for both of us I wouldn't change a thing. I still trust that this is God's plan for us. I said it right after and I'll say it again. I feel so blessed that God chose this journey for us.
2 comments:
I don't think you ever forget those losses, but you have an amazing perspective. I SO know that inbetween place - not really caring in some ways, but still having that gut-wrenching feeling when AF starts. Oh, and don't you just love those "co-insurance" fees after surgery? I was shocked with those bills after my lap. Enjoy the not caring (kind of:))!
I am thinking of you today. Those anniversaries are tough. Even in my current situation, I'm dreading my May due date. I still miss that baby and this does not replace those feelings.
Even when you give up and stop caring, I still pray really hard every day for you two to get your well-earned baby. You are an incredible person and I appreciate your continued friendship through this journey we have (unfortunately) shared.
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