Friday, May 7, 2010
Can We just Skip This One
This week has been a really rough week in the fertility department. I have been in the last week of the wait to see if I'm pg, all the while knowing I'm not because of my temps. Today my temp took a nose dive which means my period is on the way. Perfect. Just in time for Mothers Day. And not just any Mothers Day. The Mothers Day I was suppose to have a 6 month old baby. I was suppose to be a first time mom this year. I was suppose to get recognized. Instead I will be fighting back tears every second on Sunday. I really would like to just skip this Mothers Day and sit at home and have a good cry. I've kept this pain pretty hidden over the past few months. I've thought I was fine. I had thought I found new hope with the surgery, but what I have found is that all to familiar pain. I feel very alone. Just in the past couple of weeks there have been more babies born and more pregnancy announcements. I'm so happy for these people, but I hate that it's a reminder to me just how long we have been trying. I need a vacation from life right now, but since we've racked up a $1200 bill that is what our money will be going to. This just doesn't seem fair sometimes. We work hard, we deserve to treat ourselves. Why is it that we have to pay for a child? Is it not enough that we have to suffer month after month. Shouldn't we be able to afford to take a break? I just want it all to go away.