Sunday, September 4, 2011

Back to Work

This was probably one of the hardest weeks of my life. I had to leave my baby boys for the first time to go back to work last Monday. My mom took off for the week to keep them, so it made my transition a little easier. I started crying the Friday before and pretty much didn't stop until Monday. Monday morning was so hard to leave them. I knew that I would not be seeing those smiley little faces for 11 1/2 more hours. This Tuesday will be their first day of daycare. I think this might be even harder. I have to leave them with complete strangers. What if they don't love them enough? What if they just let them lay their all day? What if they don't feed them on schedule? We are putting our world in the care of someone else. I've had such a hard time with the idea of working and not staying home with them. I feel like someone else gets to raise them. Someone else gets to see their firsts. Someone else gets to see those precious little smiles all day long while I'm sitting at a desk. It absolutely breaks my heart! We tried for so long for these little miracles and now someone else gets to spend more time in a day than we do with them. I've looked at numbers over and over again and it's just not possible for me to stay home right now. I always worry too if I don't work will we be able to provide all the things we want for them? Everyone tells me it will get easier, but i don't think it ever will. These early years are years you can never get back and I just feel like I'm going to miss it all. I have had several people say, you will want that adult time away from them. I have to honestly say I am not one of those people. I could spend every minute of every day with those little amazing gifts from God. Some times in life we have to do things we don't want to do though and I know for them at this age it's a lot harder on momma than it is on them.


Faith said...

They are SO adorable! It IS hard to leave them and no one can minimize that. There are all kinds of moms - some LOVE the full time working outside of the home, others loving staying at home full time. I am in the middle. I work part time and my husband is with the babies when I work 2 days a week. I like to have that LITTLE time away to feed the professional me, but honestly, I miss them every single second. I think about them all day long and can't wait to get back to them. And I wouldn't say it got easier with got harder...because they do more and they start to notice when you leave...I'm not saying this to make you feel more sad, only to validate your feelings. It's ok to be sad. Any chance you could negotiate part time? I have a few friends who did that after going back full time and it's a good balance because you do bring in some money to help out, but you're not gone so much from them. Just a thought. I am thinking of you and hoping this does get easier as time passes and you get into a routine that works for all of you and you see how happy they are every day to see you:).

Becca said...

Oh Kandice. =( I just said a prayer for you and I will continue to pray for you. You are such a great Momma. =) And your boys know that you love them with all of your heart even though you have to leave them for a certain amount of time during the week! I will pray that you God will make a way for you to stay home with them.


hang in there sweet girl.

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3