Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I Need to Explain

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now but just haven't gotten around to it.  It's something that has really been weighing on me and for some reason I feel like I need to get it out there.  Some of you will understand it and some of you won't simply because you haven't walked in my shoes, but I at least want to try and give you a glimpse. 

Life as a twin mom is hard.  And I think it is something that a lot of people don't quite understand.  Sure I have a million people telling me daily "oh bless your heart","you have your hands full" or "I don't know how you do it".    Those are just people with images in there head about what they think it would be like.  What they think and the reality of it I'm going to assume doesn't even compare. 

Most of our nights are spent going back and forth between our bed and the boys bedroom.  With twins one can wake up at 2 am because of teething and then the other one will wake up at 3 am.  There isn't much sleep happening around our house.  We are constantly taking off work for illness.  It never fails that one gets sick and two days later the other one is sick.  (And yes I realize this happens with any siblings).  Every night there are two disastrous high chairs to clean up, two kids to clean off before they can even get out of the high chair, two kids to bathe, two diapers to change, two kids to put jammies on and two kids to get to sleep.  What this means for us is neither one of us gets a break for that night.  It requires the both of us at all times.  By the time they go to bed at 7 both of us are so exhausted that we usually follow right behind.  Not to mention we know how many times we will be getting up throughout the night and that our kids wake up anywhere between 4 am and 5 am most mornings.  Some may say how is this different from anyone else with mulitple children?  This is where I'm saying some will understand and some won't.  You have to remember this is two toddlers who are still very dependent on us.  It's not like having multiple children at different ages where one can do everything for themselves.  Most of you who are my friends have noticed that we never do anything.  We don't make it to birthday parties (kids or adults), we rarely eat out, we actually rarely leave the house. It's a lot of work.  The loading and unloading.  Making sure two toddlers are content and fed and not tired.  Just simply having to chase them around at someone elses house and tell them no a million times because things aren't baby proofed is not exactly our idea of a good time.  I do feel like I've lost some friends since having them and I think a lot of that just comes from others not understanding my daily life.  We're about to add a 3rd baby to this mix so it isn't going to get any better any time soon. 

In all honesty I don't know that I can accurately portray being a twin mom.  It's one of those things that we just do.  We somehow manage to make it through every day full of love because we have been so blessed. Twins are hard and come with a lot of "extras", but at the end of the day I wouldn't trade one minute of it.  Even if that means losing a few relationships along the way.  My kids will ALWAYS come first. 


Shanny said...

I don't know what you talking about... I'm too tired to think straight and grasp one single word because these twins are insane! ;)

Believe me darling, you are not alone! Well, soon you'll have one more so I'll have to abandon you at the door cause I can't even imagine how difficult that will be. What you said though is sooo true! I cringe when thinking of having to take them out, its way more hassle.. and no people don't understand. I'm at the point where if we wan to see people they gotta come here cause then I can actually not watch my kids for 5 minutes so I can catch up.

The work thing... yeah, I got laid off in the beginning of the year but with 12 hours a day and two little ones, I swear I'm still beat from that. How you feel right now with work, twins, and pregnant? I BOW to you!


Faith said...

I am with you...mine are ALMOST twins with the 6 month span. It feels like no one gets how hard that is - like you said, every outing, every transition, becomes DOUBLE (at best) the work. When one is in an ok mood, the other is screaming or needing something. There is no break, ever. I don't know anyone with multiple kids who has it as hard as someone with 2 the same age. It's just different. And, you're right, unless you walk it, there is no describing it. I have lost friends too. I find myself resentful of my friends who have one baby or babies with more distance between them - their experience is SO different, their freedom so obvious. So I miss out on most things. But then I remember how hard I worked for these little ones, and I don't spend one more second being resentful or envious...I switch to thankful and grateful. I wouldn't trade it, so why waste energy wishing things were easier? But...yes...we have lost friends because of it too. Hang in there, hun! I have another friend with twins and then a baby about 1.5 years later - if you want me to connect you with her, I can:).

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel. When my twin boys were born I didn't leave the house for days. We never slept and when they were nine months I surprisingly got pregnant (my twins were clomid babies). The boys are 7 years old now with their brother almost 6 and we have added a 4th baby and our only girl. Life is full, we get to sleep now and those first couple years seem so long ago. Hang in there!!! It doesn't last forever even though I know right now it feels like it will!!
God Bless your family,
Amy (a fellow twin mom)

Shanny said...

Kandice, I would totally love to interview another twin Momma... didn't know how else to contact you so I'm leaving another comment here =) email me at when you have a chance and I'll work up some questions for you! Thanks for being game.

Oh and on THIS post again.... I had a horribly busy few Thanksgiving days with both sides of the family... I'm ready to DROP! I keep wanting to explain on my blog also how I hate going out but still haven't, your words were perfect though :-/

Mrs. D'Amico said...

I cannot even begin to imagine the exhaustion you guys must have. I am a whimp, total whimp. I just think I'm exhausted with one toddler.

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3