Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Pre Postpartum

So it hit me, in my dream when I least expected it and had no control over my thoughts.  The "it" I am referring to is the sudden complete sadness that this pregnancy is almost over and of never being pregnant again.  I didn't expect to feel this way.  I didn't really feel this way at the end of the twin pregnancy or after.  I guess it's because maybe I knew that having another child was still a thought and possibility.  And thanks to God I was able to experience pregnancy again. Now, we aren't doing anything to officially take care of ever getting pregnant again, but in our minds we are done.  We want to be able to provide things for our children and kids aren't cheap these days.  I would like to return to normalcy at some point (I'll explain in another post).  I'm ready to move on from the baby phase and on to raising our children.  Don't get me wrong I will completely miss the baby phase, but I'm sure y'all understand what I mean.  I'm ready to have my body back and feel normal and all those wonderful things you lose control of when pregnant.  So my mind knows this, but my heart is feeling something completely different right now.  I'm going to contribute a huge amount of these feelings to infertility.  Yep it follows me everywhere.  It's really all we've known as a married couple.  It's all my body has known.  It's going to be very strange to not have that constant thought of pregnancy.  It's a new chapter we are starting and my hope is that once Bray is here my heart will feel complete.  For now I have less than 8 wks left of my final pregnancy and I'm grieving this chapter. 

On a happy note here are some pics of the boys from Halloween.  I was very amazed by how quickly they caught on to getting candy. 

This was the night we went trick or treating at the High School

These are from their daycare party.  Ignore the doll Brody is playing with. He is very secure with his masculinity


Faith said...

I SO know what you mean. I only got to experience one pregnancy all the way through, and I miss it all the time. But...we just don't have the emotional, physical or financial means for any more. We are at our capacity in every way possible. I have really sad moments for sure. Just enjoy it and take lots of pictures:). The other thing I did was write journals to both of my kids - I started Addy's when I was about 20 weeks along. It's nice to look back and see what I wrote to her when she was still growing in there. And your boys look SO cute in their costumes:).

Melissa E said...

Aww...this made me miss you guys. I can't wait to see baby Bray!

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3