Boys

Boys

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

What Will I Regret More?

This seems to be the hot topic in the blog world so I thought why not chime in with how I've been feeling lately.  The topic I am referring to is being a working mom vs. a stay at home mom.  I was hit with this thought after I had the twins and it took a toll on me.  I felt enormous amounts of guilt for being at work and missed my boys extremely.  For whatever reason this same thought has hit me ten times harder with this baby.  The thoughts of if I'm making the right decision haunt me every second of every day.  I was reading comments left on another bloggers post regarding this topic and one person asked the question.  "In X amount of years what will you regret more? Missing out on a career or not being home with your kids?"  The answer for me is 100% not being home with my kids. You see I've always really wanted to have a rewarding career.  Where I make good money and can provide for my family.  I've never been content on the position I am in and have always wanted to learn more and move further up the ladder.  Something changed though after Bray was born.   I don't see my job as sitting at a desk anymore. My job is being a mother.  I can't sit through meetings anymore without thinking about my babies.  I can't focus on anything because really all I think about is, I can't wait to get home and kiss those precious faces.  We see the boys for about 30 minutes in the morning and an hour at night.  That is such a small amount of time to indulge ourselves in our kids.  There are constant reminders of how much we are missing out on.  I laid Bray on his tummy the other day and he was just lifting straight up.  The thought runs over me wondering how long has he been able to do that and how in the world as his mother do I not know what he is capable of?  It rips my heart out.  We are missing out on so much of their childhood because we are busy working. Is that really more important than being with them?  The reality to that answer is we don't have much of a choice.  Why is that though? Why are things so over the top expensive these days that it is almost impossible for a mother or father to raise their children?  Why aren't there more opportunities for good part time jobs.  I would ideally love to take my kids to mothers day out three days a week and work during those hours.  It seems like it would be the perfect balance.  There are so many sides to this topic and from what I've gathered you are never content with your decision whichever it may be.  There is always guilt on one side or the other.  All I know is I miss my babies and I am painfully aware that I'm going to wake up one day and wish I would have spent more time with them when they were this little.  That sucks!

5 comments:

Amber said...

So crazy you mention that line because I also read that comment in a search for what I should do regarding my own career (or current lack of) and that quote stuck out to me over all others. It's tough business being a mom because your heart is ALWAYS with another human being. You can't ever tear yourself away and no decision seems perfect.

April said...

I was in your spot about 2 months ago. I worked full time and just wanted to progress with my company. I have two little girls 1 & 3 and was slapped in the face with this same dilemma.
I ended up quitting my job and working part time and spending more time with my little ones and I wish I would have done this earlier. There is nothing to regret but the idea of not being able to provide as much is hard. But, you eventually learn to budget certain things a bit more. Good luck to you sweetie!

Rachel said...

I just came across your blog and I feel the same way! I have 6 month old twin boys and thankfully I will be able to stay home with them after this school year ends (I teach First grade). It will be a financial sacrifice but nothing compared to the sacrifice of not being with my boys!

Faith said...

I was blessed to be able to go to part time work and I do like the "balance" (it does not always feel balanced). I do feel pulled in multiple directions each day, but I feel like I am able to keep my career going while also raising my children. I am even considering home schooling when they are older, which I NEVER thought I would do! It's amazing how things change once we have kids lol! I wish you luck in finding the best balance for you and your family!

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"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3