Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Want to Protect

It has been 26 months since I became a mom.  You would think I would have experienced a majority of the emotions that come along with that title.  My boys have experienced the pain of smashed fingers and bruised knees.  They've been sick to the point that they just want to lay on me all day.  Brody has been hopsitalized twice with IV's sticking out of him. Beckham has been through x-rays, cat scans, and ultrasounds.  My heart has felt heavy with each of these.  As a mother you hurt with your kids and for your kids.  Last night I experienced something that I really hadn't even thought about before. 

We had just put the boys down for bed.  Robert was rocking Bray and I was doing laundry in the laundry room.  Brody came out of his room with his usual "I need a inasore" (dinasour).  I was hollering at him to go get back in bed and as he was coming into the kitchen something scared him.  I don't mean just made him jump a little, I mean full out pee your pants type of scared. He screamed and ran.  He was in complete panic and ran the other direction.  I have never seen him so scared.  I ran in there while Robert was trying to get him to come to him.  I picked him up and held him.  He was shaking and crying.  I calmed him down and told him to show me what he was scared of.  He very carefully took me into the kitchen and just pointed.  I really have no idea what scared him or what he saw but I just told him it was ok and held him.  Tears began streaming down my face at this point because I think reality set in that my little innocent babies that have yet to see the world are growing up.  They are entering an age where this corrupted world is going to show its face. They are begining to know what fear is.  I have this extreme want and need to protect them.  To shield them from everything bad out there.  I hate knowing that they will experience deep hurt from another human being.  They will experience failure and jealousy and resentment.  These things are all human nature.  It is inevitable and I as their mother cannot protect them from these things.  I cannot protect them from their feelings whether they are scared, hurt or angry. 

This mother thing comes with so many more things than I had anticipated.  I'm sure there are many more realizations to come.

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"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3