Aug 07 is when we decided to start tying for a child. You’re always told have sex once and you'll end up pg. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would be this hard. Finally after 17 months of trying they put me on Clomid. We got pg on the first round. 2/09 was when we found out. We were so excited 3/09 was our first appt. We heard our baby's heartbeat. My next appt was 4 wks later when they told me my baby no longer had a heartbeat. We welcomed our twin boys on 6/17/11.
Boys
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Baby #4 is.......
is a little baby GIRL!!! I think I'm still in disbelief. We've had two ultrasounds to confirm so I know she is a she but I just don't think I thought I would ever be typing those words. After three years of infertility and one loss I just really never thought I would see the day that my family would be complete. To the point where I felt 100% complete. God has been so faithful to us. I can't wait to meet our precious little princess! Her brothers are super excited too.
Monday, August 25, 2014
It's Been a While
Don't get too excited. (if anyone is still reading). I'm not here to say too much. Just one last little surprise.
I still can't believe after everything we went through we have now had two easy pregnancies. I continued to be amazed by how God works. I would love to fill you in on all the details but once again I'm miserably sick so I don't feel like writing a novel at the moment. I will update soon!
Friday, May 9, 2014
A Letter to My Boys
Baker Boys,
Today is the day that your father and I will dedicate the
three of you boys to the church. We are
not only dedicating you to Life church, but we are dedicating you to God. We are making our promise to raise you in a
Christ-Centered home. There is something
equally special about this day. It is
also Mother’s Day weekend. The three
years leading up to when we found out we were going to be parents were heart
wrenching. I honestly didn’t know if I
would ever become a Mom. It made this
weekend so incredibly painful. I spent a
lot of time with God in those years. I
want you all to know that I prayed for you and God answered our prayers in His
timing. He knew exactly what he was
doing. We have three of the most perfect
miracles that I could ever ask for. Miracles
is what you all are and God is the reason you are here.
There are a few things that I want you to remember while you
go through life:
1.)
God
should always be first. I believe
with all my heart that if you put Him first then the rest of your life falls
into place. This is sometimes hard for
your mommy to accept because I selfishly think I should come first after
carrying you around for nine months. I
guess God wins though.
2.)
The world
is cruel, don’t give in to the pressure.
The media and everyone else will try to make you think you need material
things. Material things equal debt. Debt equals chains. God is the only one who can provide happiness
sons. BE WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHO THE WORLD SAYS YOU SHOULD BE!
3.)
You are
wanted. If for any reason your
father or I should do something to make you feel unloved remember this. We spent 3.2 years trying and longing for
you. It took numerous doctor
appointments, money, time, surgeries, shots and tears to conceive you. Bray you
are no exception. Just because you made
your determinedness known doesn’t mean that we didn’t long for you too. A little secret. Mommy longed to feel a singleton pregnancy
and all the things that were different than a twin pregnancy. So my little cuddle bug, you were wanted
too! Not to mention that God placed you
in our life at just the perfect time.
One day we will share that story with you.
4.)
You will
get your heart broken. I’m crying
now at the thought of this. You are only
1 & almost 3, but the thought that someone will hurt you, hurts me. There are going to be a number of people
throughout your life that will let you down.
This is not limited to a girlfriend.
You will have people who you never expected like friends and family. It is part of the world we live in. God tells us to forgive. So boys, you should forgive and pray for
those who have hurt you. Just remember
that we cannot control what others say or do but we can control who we let stay
in our lives.
5.)
Be kind
to everyone. God said no man’s sins are greater than the next. There are people all over the world that are
hurting. Don’t be the one to make them
hurt more.
6.)
Life goes
on. You are going to encounter
hardships along the way. Don’t let them
take you out. Always be an optimist and
remember #1.
7.)
We are
always here for you. Your Mom and Dad will always be your #1 fans in
life. We are pulling for each one of
you. We want to see you succeed in life
and with your walk with Christ. We will never turn our backs on you. Anything you need we are here. Even if you want to come live with us again
when you’re 30.
8.)
We will
give you tough love. We are not
always going to hand things to you because you want them. There are going to be some instances in life
where we may have to implement “tough love”.
This will be harder on us than it is on you. I hope you can one day understand what this
is about and not be angry with us.
9.)
It’s ok
to cry. Society tells you that boys
shouldn’t cry. I think society is
wrong. It is ok to feel pain and deal
with it. It is ok to be sad. I think it makes you a much better man. It makes you human. It will make you very attractive to a woman
as well. Let’s not explore this until
you are at least 25 though.
10.) You are enough! Remember when the world
around you tells you that you aren't good enough, that you are always good enough
in God’s eyes. You are also always good
enough in our eyes. Don’t let what
anyone thinks about you define you. Let
you define you. Let your relationship with God define you.
11.) Go to college. Just do it!
12.) Divorce is not an option. You are too young now for me to even fathom
you boys getting married. When you do,
remember that marriage is a commitment before God. Don’t get married unless you are ready to
fully commit to another person. This will mean putting yourself aside to make
someone else happy. Marriage is work and
sometimes it is painfully hard, but don’t ever put “divorce” in your vocabulary. Seek God not society.
13.) Don’t forget about us. It’s hard to imagine at the age you are now
that someday, if we do our job right, you are going to leave home. You will become men of your own
household. It’s just so hard to imagine that for the next
15-17 years we will have you in our home every day. Our lives revolve around you boys right
now. There is going to come a day when
you are gone. I don’t want that day to
come. I wish I could freeze time right
now. Where you, Bray, are crying to come
lay in bed with me and I pick you up and you wrap your sweet little arms around
my neck and won’t let go for the rest of the night. Or you, Beckham, with your sweet little voice
saying, “Mommy, please help me” or embarrassingly enough for you when we have
our cute little talks while you are trying to use the restroom. And you, Brody, laughing deviously and always
saying after you get your hair done, “Mom, I’m not handsome, I’m Brody
Superhero”. Gosh, I’m going to miss you
boys. I’m going to miss these days. Don’t
worry, I’ll try to keep my cool and not follow you to college. I am however not promising to not cry every
year you get older for I know that means my days are numbered before you leave
the nest. Just remember to call us just
to say hi and I love you. That will mean the world to us.
Proverbs 22:6 Train
up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from
it.
This is the verse that I live by with you three boys. My hope is that your father and I can give
you a strong faith based foundation. You
boys have changed my life for the better.
I never knew how much love my body was capable of feeling until I saw
each of you for the first time. Those
images are ingrained in my mind. I will
admit that there are several days that I get caught up in life and I forget to
pray. I can promise you that there
aren’t many days that go by though that I don’t forget to thank God for each of
you when I’m tucking you in bed at night.
I love you my three little momma’s boys. More than you will ever
know!
We love you,
Mommy and Daddy
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Five Years
I had a friend email me the other day asking if she could run a mile in a marathon in memory of my angel. I was so touched that there is someone out there that still remembers too. That someone else out there knows that we have a child in Heaven. It prompted me to start thinking back on the past 5 years and I started reading some old blogs. It was a very dark and lonely place to be in that season of my life. So much pain and heartache. Little did I know I would be typing this 5 years down the road in one of the best places I've ever been in my life. I have three beautiful boys and I'm happy. I am so grateful for my journey and I wouldn't change it. Infertility changed me, but for the better. I'm a better mom, wife, Christian and friend. I wouldn't give any of that up! GOD IS GOOD!
This Thursday will be five years since we heard our angel baby's heartbeat for the first and last time. I can remember how exciting that day was. After 18 months we were finally on our way to having our baby. Little did we know that was not going to be the case. I spent 12 weeks of pregnancy (really 8 weeks) with that child. Planning names and nurseries. Doing all the things that pregnant people do. That baby is and will always be a part of us and our family. He/She is in Heaven and I can't wait to meet him/her. I just wanted to take some time to acknowledge that I still remember it all so well and to say that I still miss my angel.
This Thursday will be five years since we heard our angel baby's heartbeat for the first and last time. I can remember how exciting that day was. After 18 months we were finally on our way to having our baby. Little did we know that was not going to be the case. I spent 12 weeks of pregnancy (really 8 weeks) with that child. Planning names and nurseries. Doing all the things that pregnant people do. That baby is and will always be a part of us and our family. He/She is in Heaven and I can't wait to meet him/her. I just wanted to take some time to acknowledge that I still remember it all so well and to say that I still miss my angel.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Four Maybe?
Are you guys done? Do you want a girl? You need a girl! You
have to try for a girl! You need some estrogen in your house!
Baby #4 has been a “thought” for a while now. After Bray was born it was an absolute
NO. As the months went on though it
turned into that “thought”. Here are
some of the things that have constantly played in this crazy little head of
mine. “Are you insane?” “You get no
sleep as it is!” “It’s going to be a boy!” “Can my uterus handle another
pregnancy?” “This will be my third C-section, they say that can be dangerous!” “You
are done with bottles and baby food, do you really want to go back there?” “Four
colleges to pay for!” “Four cars to pay for!” “Four braces to pay for!” “You
finally got your body back (for the most part anyway)!” “What if we decided to
try and can’t, can you handle those emotions again?” “What if we have twins/triplets?”
“We ended on a good note so why not keep it that way!” “What if it is a boy and
since he won’t be close in age to the other three he is an outcast?” “All of our
kids are healthy, are we pushing our luck?” “What if we don’t try and I look
back at 40 and regret it?” “The “hard
times” of terrible twos are almost over, well ok you have about three more
years. All these people are lying that
tell me it doesn’t get better. How can
it not? Right? RIGHT?” “You’ve already
been locked away for three years because these babies are too hard to get out,
don’t you want to start living your life again?” “We won’t have the money for a
third until the twins are in school and by that time do we really want to have
another baby?” “SERIOUSLY, how are you even considering this?!?!”
Being a mother has been one of THE hardest things I have
ever done in my life. It is not all fairy
dust and rainbows that people seem to portray on the outside. The truth is that most of our days start out
with pure chaos and tiredness from three kids who don’t know how to sleep. There is constant defiance to get dressed or
go potty so that we can make our best attempt at getting to work on time. Then I spend my entire day thinking about and
missing the crap out of my kids and wishing I could be with them every second
of every day. Then comes the moment I
see them after work. Which is met with a
huge smile and a hug from Bray and then quickly turns into a crazed kid who
fights getting put in his car seat, immediately takes off his right shoe and
sock and throws a fit the entire way to pick up the twins. Then comes the twin’s daycare. Once again I’m met with huge smiles and hugs
which quickly turns to Brody running away playing with all the toys while I’m
trying to get him to put on his jacket and Beckham suddenly needing a drink
from the water fountain which is the opposite direction of the front door. Then they both have to push the exit button
(which is unnecessary) before finally walking out the front door to the
car. They greet their daddy and Bray
with a smile. Bray loves seeing his
brothers so he is calmed down by now. Then
the ride home. Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom,
mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom. This is
where I will admit that I was an infertile girl saying I will never get tired
of hearing my kids saying mom. I hate for this to even come out of my mouth,
but it exhausts me! I mean my husband
even has to step in at times and be like ok boys, no more questions to
mommy. I do answer every single one and
I would never tell my kids to leave me alone, but in my head I do think, you
know daddy is here too! Moving on. We get home.
Brody tries to run on the side of the house. Why? I have no idea! Beckham will not go in
until he has gotten the mail even if we explain to him over and over that it’s
a holiday. Finally get all three kids
inside and the second round of chaos starts.
Bray cries for dinner because he thinks he is a starved child even
though he has already eaten a full meal at daycare. He also does not want you to put him down at
this point in the day and if you do you are the meanest mommy in the world and
you can see the heartbreak on his face.
Ok child I will hold you while you are still crying for food and I will
get undressed from work and get dinner going.
Just cherish this baby on your hip is what my heart tells me at this
point. So I dive into kisses and
hugs. This child loves hugs and pulling
the crap out of my hair! So back to being frustrated because he has now managed
to physically hurt me. Put him down tell
him no and watch him cry because I hurt his feelings. I now feel horrible! The twins are running around tackling each
other so I tell them someone is going to get hurt and we are going to have to
go to the hospital. Not sure they can
even hear what I say over their giggles.
The giggles make me smile and make my heart swell but doesn’t take away
my anxiety from their wrestling moves.
Dinner of chicken nuggets, hot dogs or noodles is served because it is
the only thing I have time to prepare.
After all we only have about an hour and a half of an evening before
bed. Dinner is always a disaster. The twins are throwing food or spitting or
making tiger noises at each other which makes them laugh with a full mouth of
food which again gives me anxiety because I think they are going to choke. Bray likes to push himself away from the
table which means he can’t reach his food which means he is starving and
whines. When dinner is done we are left
with an enormous mess on the table and floor to clean up
EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT! Again, exhausting!
Then have you ever tried to bathe three babies with only two sets of
hands? Or tried to talk them into
getting out of the tub? How about
getting them ready for bed? The twins
run around like crazy people saying nakey, nakey. Sure this is cute while I’m thinking back on
it, but not in the moment when you have worked all day and you are purely exhausted
and ready for bed yourself. Just get
dressed already!! Then comes the
absolute most exhausting part of the day.
I think most toddler moms know what I’m about to say…..BEDTIME! The twins are great about walking to
bed. We get our last drink, go potty and
then tuck in. Then the fun starts. Mom, I need a drink. No. go to sleep. Mom, I need to go potty. Ok. Can’t say no. They are potty
training. Mom, I need a hug and
kiss. Ok. Can’t say no to that
either. Mom, I need a book. No. Go to sleep. Mom. Come lay with me. No. Go to sleep. Even though I honestly would love to but don’t
want to start that habit. This is usually
about an hour routine EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT!
Bray is still up at this point and in his sweetest moment I want to put
him to sleep but for some reason he will not fall asleep in my arms. So he lays with his daddy and falls asleep. He is finally at a point where he stays
asleep once he is laid down. I get
excited about this point in the night because I get to lay in my bed and relax. Funny thing is I still have anxiety at this
point because I know that rest is only for about 3 more hours until one of the
twins wakes up and fake cries until we come in there, which also wakes Bray up
who will cry for hours until we get him and put him in our bed. We get four hours of sleep total on a good
night and this has been going on for almost three years now. The morning eventually rolls around and we
start it over once again. We have said
numerous times lately that we are literally about to have a mental and physical
breakdown. I want to point out that these are not exaggerations. You could pick any given day to come follow
our family and you would witness all of these things occurring.
So, all of that nonsense brings me back to “How can you even
be thinking about having another child?!?!” It’s simple really. No matter what, at any given moment someone
can ask me if all of that is worth it.
My answer 150% will always be ABSOLUTELY! This is a season. It too shall pass all too
quickly. We both love our children with
our every being and we both know we want to experience all of this one more
time. Right now is not the time for
that, but if God blesses us with the resources you better bet that we try for
another miracle. And we won’t be trying
for a girl. We will be trying for
another blessing to add to our already blessed life!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Happy 1st Birthday Bray
So I'm two days late on this post but what do you expect from a mom with three boys two and under? As I've expressed I've had a hard time leading up to this day. I knew it was going to happen sooner than I would like and I was trying to embrace it. To heck with embracing it though. I want my baby to stay a baby forever. Ok ok I know, get over it! He decided to go through a phase about two weeks before his birthday where I was no longer the only person that COULD rock him, but the only person that COULDN'T! Come on son! Not the time for this. Anyway, he was very kind and finally let me hold him and rock him to sleep the night before his birthday. I cherished it. He was moving on from being a baby into the world of toddlerhood. I did cry as I laid him to bed that night. It's hard to know these days will soon be distant memories and my sweet innocent boy will soon be telling me to leave him alone. (Yep, the twins say this to me). Looking back we were scared how we would manage three babies, but now I can't imagine it any other way. I'd do it all again.
This year with him has been a huge challenge but also a huge blessing. He has by far been more difficult than the twins ever were. He has a huge personality and is the best cuddler ever which makes up for it. I was able to nurse him for 8 months which was an amazing experience. He has been momma's little buddy and I have a feeling we are going to be very close as he grows up. He has already switched to whole milk and has been bottle free for about three weeks. This has been an easy transition because he wants to do everything his big brothers do. He took his first steps the week of Thanksgiving and can now walk wherever he wants to go. He is starting to try and talk but really you can't make much out of what he is saying. He loves to pretend talk on the phone and to pretend sneeze. Have I mentioned how much he loves to eat??? He has filled my heart even more this year than I thought was possible. Can't believe how fast it went.
We did his party on the day of his birthday. We went with a Winter Onederland theme. Everything turned out great. I love throwing these parties for my kids even though they may hate me when they are 16 for what they have to wear. He got lots of great gifts although the twins have already taken them over. I'm afraid this is going to be the story for many years to come. Oh well maybe one day they'll see it as something cool that they basically get new stuff for each birthday since they share everything.
So I've raised my third child past the age of one. I would say that is a pretty good victory for a girl who spent 3 years thinking I'd never have one. Once again, GOD IS GOOD!
This year with him has been a huge challenge but also a huge blessing. He has by far been more difficult than the twins ever were. He has a huge personality and is the best cuddler ever which makes up for it. I was able to nurse him for 8 months which was an amazing experience. He has been momma's little buddy and I have a feeling we are going to be very close as he grows up. He has already switched to whole milk and has been bottle free for about three weeks. This has been an easy transition because he wants to do everything his big brothers do. He took his first steps the week of Thanksgiving and can now walk wherever he wants to go. He is starting to try and talk but really you can't make much out of what he is saying. He loves to pretend talk on the phone and to pretend sneeze. Have I mentioned how much he loves to eat??? He has filled my heart even more this year than I thought was possible. Can't believe how fast it went.
We did his party on the day of his birthday. We went with a Winter Onederland theme. Everything turned out great. I love throwing these parties for my kids even though they may hate me when they are 16 for what they have to wear. He got lots of great gifts although the twins have already taken them over. I'm afraid this is going to be the story for many years to come. Oh well maybe one day they'll see it as something cool that they basically get new stuff for each birthday since they share everything.
So I've raised my third child past the age of one. I would say that is a pretty good victory for a girl who spent 3 years thinking I'd never have one. Once again, GOD IS GOOD!
Birthday Sprinkle Pancakes |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3