Got off Track a Little

I found out a friend of mine is pg this week. I won’t lie and say it didn’t sting a little. Not because I’m not happy for her, but just because she was able to do it so easily. To some of you who have never been through this you may not understand, but for those of us who have it’s the hardest thing to explain. When I text her to tell her congratulations we had a little conversation about life and she said some things were going on with her family. I didn’t ask much more because we are suppose to have dinner next week. Well in the meantime I have learned that her dad has been diagnosed with cancer. He was given a year to live. He is going to go to Texas to have a surgery that will add another year on to his life. So two years is what they are giving him. My heart stopped when I heard this. I sat and thought about how I have really turned my back on a lot of my friends just because I think my problem is so much bigger than anything they have going on. They don’t understand my pain so I want to shut them out. I’m so ashamed that I have let myself be this way. My problem is so small compared to what she is going through. Here lately especially the last few months I have forgotten what I need to be thankful for. I have even turned my back on my faith. Something I haven’t shared with anyone. I haven’t been to church in 3 weeks. I have felt like I was being faithful with God and he wasn’t being faithful with me, but he is. I have an amazing husband, amazing friends, and an amazing family. He hasn’t wronged me. I have wronged him. I’m so sorry to everyone I have shut out. I am going to get back on track and remember what I have to be thankful for. God has really blessed me with an amazing life.