Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Just One Day

I think us infertiles should be allowed one day a month to just stay at home and kick things, throw things, curse things, and just simply bawl our eyes out until be can’t breathe and our eyes are swollen shut. Is that too much to ask? This is what I feel like doing the one day that the stupid hag decides to show and crush my dreams of motherhood one more month. But I can’t. I have to put myself together in the morning makeup and all and go to work and act like my life is perfect. Like I’m the happiest person in the world who has everything. Man, if these people I came in contact with every day only knew the slightest amount of pain I feel they would be in disbelief. I’m just ready for this pain to stop. I want to cry tears of joy not tears of heartache. Enough is enough.


Amber said...

Kandice, I don't even know how to say how sorry I am for what you're going through. It sucks, it isn't fair, and nothing I say will make it easier. But know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. And I second the "infertility" day where I can act like the big baby I feel like on the inside!

Sunshine said...

Oh girl. =(

Boy, do I know what you mean!! You should read my post from a couple of Sundays ago.. I was an absolute BASKETCASE! My husband was probably wondering who I was??.. because I was NOT acting like who he married.

Infertility can do that to us. =(

And honestly, even after we do get pregnant.. I think there will always be a jaded part of our hearts from when we suffered through this mess!

I hope you get the chance to have a really good cry for awhile and let it all out while your not at work having to put on a show. =/

(((Hugs and God's Peace)))


Shanny said...

We really do deserve that kind of day, too bad we have to put out a fake face, sigh! Big hugs on these tough days, infertility is just depressing =(

Faith said...

Hey There, Hun. I don't think I have posted here before, but I found your blog through "sunshine's" blog. I understand your feelings. I am having one of those nights and it isn't even the day the "hag" is showing up! Uggghh. Go ahead and have your cry. You're not alone...there are lots of us out there...but no one wants to hear our stories, so we stay silenced...
In case you're interested, this is my blog:


"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3