Boys
Saturday, February 5, 2011
And the Twins Are
Boys! There is no denying that this little ones definitly have hot dogs :) Their names are Beckham Cale and Brody Kingston. We are so excited and can't wait for them to be here now. The room is under way (sort of). I'm ready to start putting it all together, but I have to be a little more patient because we are waiting on a wall to get repaired in the room. Hopefully soon though and I will post some pics.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
For Everything There is a Reason
For those of you that have followed my blog from the beginning you know that I have often questioned God. Why was he putting us through this battle? Why would he not want us to be parents? why would he let someone feel this much pain? As much as I questioned, I always new that there was a reason and one day I would know just what that was. I didn't expect it to come so soon, but I think I now understand.
I have been very fortunate in my life to have never loste anyone close to me. At 28 that changed. On December 11, 2010 my grandpa passed away. He has fought parkinsons for a long time and most recently had been diagnosed with cancer. He had some great last days. He had one wish to have us all together on Thanksgiving and we all believe that that was what he was hanging on for because after that it went downhill. In his last days we all gathered around his bed and let him know that it was ok to go home and that we loved him. The night before he passed I was able to kiss him on the forehead, tell him I love him with an I love you back and have him squeeze my hand as if to say it's all going to be alright. I will cherish that last night with him forever. I asked him that night to watch over my babies and I believe he is doing just that as he cracks jokes with God. He was such an amazing man.
My family was very worried about me at this time. I think I was only about 10wks pregnant. Over all I think I handled it a lot better than I ever thought. I'm not sure if it was just the constant throwing up that took away the pain or the fact that I know he is no longer in pain and with our Lord and Saviour. Either way I think God chose this time for me to be pregnant because it's what my family needed. We needed a happy time in the midst of so much sadness.
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Grandpa you will forever be missed and I can't wait to tell my children all about how amazing, funny, caring and loving my grandpa was. Thanks for watching over my babies from heaven. I love you!
I have been very fortunate in my life to have never loste anyone close to me. At 28 that changed. On December 11, 2010 my grandpa passed away. He has fought parkinsons for a long time and most recently had been diagnosed with cancer. He had some great last days. He had one wish to have us all together on Thanksgiving and we all believe that that was what he was hanging on for because after that it went downhill. In his last days we all gathered around his bed and let him know that it was ok to go home and that we loved him. The night before he passed I was able to kiss him on the forehead, tell him I love him with an I love you back and have him squeeze my hand as if to say it's all going to be alright. I will cherish that last night with him forever. I asked him that night to watch over my babies and I believe he is doing just that as he cracks jokes with God. He was such an amazing man.
My family was very worried about me at this time. I think I was only about 10wks pregnant. Over all I think I handled it a lot better than I ever thought. I'm not sure if it was just the constant throwing up that took away the pain or the fact that I know he is no longer in pain and with our Lord and Saviour. Either way I think God chose this time for me to be pregnant because it's what my family needed. We needed a happy time in the midst of so much sadness.
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Grandpa you will forever be missed and I can't wait to tell my children all about how amazing, funny, caring and loving my grandpa was. Thanks for watching over my babies from heaven. I love you!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Almost 15 Weeks
Hello blog world. Sorry I went MIA. Hopefully I'm back to stay. Wow I can't believe I'm sitting here typing about being 15 wks pregnant. I'm still in shock over all of this because there is that part of every infertile girl who believes they will never be a mother. Besides the morning sickness I sometimes don't feel like this is real. I feel like we are tricking people in to thinking we are pregnant. I wonder if it will become more real when they start kicking or will it be when I actually get to meet them? Here are some updates on what has been happening.
Morning Sickness- This has really prevented me from enjoying pregnancy so far. It makes me so sad because I have waited so long for this. The good news is it has gotten a hundred times better. I had a week where I didn't throw up at all, but was just nauseaus all day. The last 3 days the throwing up is back, but I'm not yucky feeling all day. I actually had my first productive day yesterday in about 10 weeks.
Weight Gain- So far I'm holding steady at 6 lbs. And sadly enough those lbs just happend in the 2nd Tri. Oops. I could technically count 2 in the 1st Tri because I would lose it then gain it. Hey whatever makes me happy lol. Actually for the first time probably in my life I love my fat belly and have no self consciousness.
Babies Room- This was my productive day yesterday. We cleaned out a big part of that room because it's kind of been a catch all room. We still have some left but really it just goes in the attick. We bought our cribs last weekend, but we don't plan on putting them up for a while. We decided with two babies things are going to get expensive so we wanted to start buying now.
Gender- We scheduled a Gender scan with a local ultrasound place for Feb 3rd. I'm so impatient I could not wait another 6 wks. I still think it is 2 girls. We did the Intelligender for fun and it said boy. Chinese gendar calendar says boy. All other wives tales point to girl so far. I am so excited to know what we are having.
It's crazy to think in just about 5 wks I should be feeling these babies move. It makes me emotional just thinking about how blessed we are right now. In 5 short months we should be holding our miracles that we have waited so long for. God is so good. I will leave you with the much anticipated belly shots.
Here is week 4
And here is week 14
Morning Sickness- This has really prevented me from enjoying pregnancy so far. It makes me so sad because I have waited so long for this. The good news is it has gotten a hundred times better. I had a week where I didn't throw up at all, but was just nauseaus all day. The last 3 days the throwing up is back, but I'm not yucky feeling all day. I actually had my first productive day yesterday in about 10 weeks.
Weight Gain- So far I'm holding steady at 6 lbs. And sadly enough those lbs just happend in the 2nd Tri. Oops. I could technically count 2 in the 1st Tri because I would lose it then gain it. Hey whatever makes me happy lol. Actually for the first time probably in my life I love my fat belly and have no self consciousness.
Babies Room- This was my productive day yesterday. We cleaned out a big part of that room because it's kind of been a catch all room. We still have some left but really it just goes in the attick. We bought our cribs last weekend, but we don't plan on putting them up for a while. We decided with two babies things are going to get expensive so we wanted to start buying now.
Gender- We scheduled a Gender scan with a local ultrasound place for Feb 3rd. I'm so impatient I could not wait another 6 wks. I still think it is 2 girls. We did the Intelligender for fun and it said boy. Chinese gendar calendar says boy. All other wives tales point to girl so far. I am so excited to know what we are having.
It's crazy to think in just about 5 wks I should be feeling these babies move. It makes me emotional just thinking about how blessed we are right now. In 5 short months we should be holding our miracles that we have waited so long for. God is so good. I will leave you with the much anticipated belly shots.
Here is week 4
And here is week 14
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Finally the Story
Ok so as promised here is how the events of my finding out I'm pregnant unfolded.
On the Sat before my Beta test I woke up feeling extremely tired. It continued throughout that day and I'm pretty sure I took about 3 naps. I thought something was up then, so I waited for Robert to go to the gym and I went and took one of my cheap dollar tree tests. I didn't see anything at first, but then noticed a very very faint pink line. Now I know dollar tree tests are known to give evaps so I really didn't think much of it. I decided not to tell Robert just in case it was an error. It was actually a fun little (possible) secret to keep to myself for a night. That next morning worked out perfect because Robert actually got up before me so I ran to the bathroom and took an Answer test. I wish I could have recorded that look on my face when I saw two pink lines. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in a really long time! It was time to tell Robert the good news. I had had some Budoir portraits done for him back in February and while I was there I had her take a pic of me with the words I'm pregnant written on my belly. I had put it in the back of the book of pictures the week before just in case. I took it to him and said I have a present for you. He looked at me and said oh did you get more pics done. He opened it up and read those words he's been dying to hear. Then he asked me if I was sure and of course wanted a million more tests. lol. Hence the million tests from a previous post. I think he finally believed it after our beta. We only told my parents and his mom after the beta. We had planned to keep it to ourselves for a while afer that, but we all know how that turned out. Our families are so excited for us. They cannot wait to meet these two little ones.
Now on a more real note. I first one to say that I hope I do not hurt anyones feelings by the rest of this post. I know how hard it can be to hear pregnant woman complain about something that you want so badly, but please remember I was on this journey for 3 years 2 months and I know so very well the pain that goes with infertility, and I want you to know that I still feel like an infertile girl.
I am still so scared for this pregnancy. I feel myself not allowing myself to get attached to these babies or be excited about them. The first appointment we went to was the scariest day of my life. I was so nervous thinking the worst possible outcome. The second one was scary, but not as scary. And for the record the babies had made it past the point of my last pregnancy. It still doesn't comfort me though. I have one more appointment to make it through before I will feel like I can connect and enjoy this pregnancy. I just really can't imagine going through all of that again. I pray to God daily to keep my babies healthy and I actually have little pep talks with them to keep fighting. 6 more days and I hope I can move past what has become such an emotionally draining part of my life.
Morning sickness. AHHHHHHHHH.......... I'm pretty sure most days I feel like I just want to die. Weeks 8 and 9 were absolutely horrible! I was on the verge of wanting to go to the hospital because I could not keep anything I ate or drank down for a couple of days. And that is with taking 8mg of Zofran. It has since eased up a bit (TINY BIT). I still throw up about 4-5 times a day and feel sick for the most of the 24 hours in a day. All of this stared about 5 weeks so I am now going on 5 weeks of throwing up and feeling like poo daily. I don't know how I am surviving it, but I am. I'm PRAYING that it will only last 2 more weeks. PRAYING HARD! I can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I did stop the progesterone shots (PRAISE THE LORD) two days ago. I hope that gives me some relief as well. I know it will give my back some relief. The sickness is gradually getting better or at least I'm just getting use to it. I really do hope it means my babies are in there nice and snug. (Although this is not an indicator for me)
One fun thing that is happening is I do have a bit of a baby bump. It's really fun! I don't think I have officially "popped" yet, but I feel it coming. Stay tuned for belly pics.
I just want to say that I am very thankful, despite all of the madness, to be pregnant. I thank God daily for the blessings he has given us. I never dreamed that we would be doing In Vitro, but what a miracle (or two) we got out of it.
On the Sat before my Beta test I woke up feeling extremely tired. It continued throughout that day and I'm pretty sure I took about 3 naps. I thought something was up then, so I waited for Robert to go to the gym and I went and took one of my cheap dollar tree tests. I didn't see anything at first, but then noticed a very very faint pink line. Now I know dollar tree tests are known to give evaps so I really didn't think much of it. I decided not to tell Robert just in case it was an error. It was actually a fun little (possible) secret to keep to myself for a night. That next morning worked out perfect because Robert actually got up before me so I ran to the bathroom and took an Answer test. I wish I could have recorded that look on my face when I saw two pink lines. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in a really long time! It was time to tell Robert the good news. I had had some Budoir portraits done for him back in February and while I was there I had her take a pic of me with the words I'm pregnant written on my belly. I had put it in the back of the book of pictures the week before just in case. I took it to him and said I have a present for you. He looked at me and said oh did you get more pics done. He opened it up and read those words he's been dying to hear. Then he asked me if I was sure and of course wanted a million more tests. lol. Hence the million tests from a previous post. I think he finally believed it after our beta. We only told my parents and his mom after the beta. We had planned to keep it to ourselves for a while afer that, but we all know how that turned out. Our families are so excited for us. They cannot wait to meet these two little ones.
Now on a more real note. I first one to say that I hope I do not hurt anyones feelings by the rest of this post. I know how hard it can be to hear pregnant woman complain about something that you want so badly, but please remember I was on this journey for 3 years 2 months and I know so very well the pain that goes with infertility, and I want you to know that I still feel like an infertile girl.
I am still so scared for this pregnancy. I feel myself not allowing myself to get attached to these babies or be excited about them. The first appointment we went to was the scariest day of my life. I was so nervous thinking the worst possible outcome. The second one was scary, but not as scary. And for the record the babies had made it past the point of my last pregnancy. It still doesn't comfort me though. I have one more appointment to make it through before I will feel like I can connect and enjoy this pregnancy. I just really can't imagine going through all of that again. I pray to God daily to keep my babies healthy and I actually have little pep talks with them to keep fighting. 6 more days and I hope I can move past what has become such an emotionally draining part of my life.
Morning sickness. AHHHHHHHHH.......... I'm pretty sure most days I feel like I just want to die. Weeks 8 and 9 were absolutely horrible! I was on the verge of wanting to go to the hospital because I could not keep anything I ate or drank down for a couple of days. And that is with taking 8mg of Zofran. It has since eased up a bit (TINY BIT). I still throw up about 4-5 times a day and feel sick for the most of the 24 hours in a day. All of this stared about 5 weeks so I am now going on 5 weeks of throwing up and feeling like poo daily. I don't know how I am surviving it, but I am. I'm PRAYING that it will only last 2 more weeks. PRAYING HARD! I can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I did stop the progesterone shots (PRAISE THE LORD) two days ago. I hope that gives me some relief as well. I know it will give my back some relief. The sickness is gradually getting better or at least I'm just getting use to it. I really do hope it means my babies are in there nice and snug. (Although this is not an indicator for me)
One fun thing that is happening is I do have a bit of a baby bump. It's really fun! I don't think I have officially "popped" yet, but I feel it coming. Stay tuned for belly pics.
I just want to say that I am very thankful, despite all of the madness, to be pregnant. I thank God daily for the blessings he has given us. I never dreamed that we would be doing In Vitro, but what a miracle (or two) we got out of it.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
8 Weeks
Wow! What a big week this is going to be for me and my babies. This is the week that my last baby lost it's life. It's the week where the heart is suppose to change from 2 chambers to 4 chambers. Someone how my last one never made it that far. This is the most crucial week for me right now. I have another ultrasound on Monday morning. I'm not sure that it will give me all that much comfort being I will be 8wks 2days and my last baby died at 8 wks 4days. SIGH! I appreciate all the prayers and please keep them coming.
I realize I still have not given a post about all the details and I still promise it is coming. I am still really sick. (At least what I think is really sick) I throw up at least twice a day if not more. Some days are better than others. I'm counting down till the 2nd Tri. And yes even though these babies are making me miserable every second of every day, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I realize I still have not given a post about all the details and I still promise it is coming. I am still really sick. (At least what I think is really sick) I throw up at least twice a day if not more. Some days are better than others. I'm counting down till the 2nd Tri. And yes even though these babies are making me miserable every second of every day, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Because We're Bad at This
So we really planned on keeping this a secret until the second tri, but when the whole world knows that you did In Vitro I guess their curiousity gets the best of them and the questions do not stop just because you ask them tol. Robert kept reminding me that everyone was just excited for us. So without making y'all wait any longer. It is official. I AM PREGNANT. The best part of this news is IT'S TWINS!!!! I am measuring 6wks 2d. I will catch up on this later and let you know when I found out and all the details, but for now I feel like absolute dog poo. YAY for morning sickness.
Thanks for all the prayers!
And I'll leave you with some pee sticks.
Thanks for all the prayers!
And I'll leave you with some pee sticks.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Happy Birthday
Today is one year from my angel babies due date. I cannot believe we should have a one year old child right now. It’s so crazy how fast time flies by. The pain has gotten easier and I don’t think about it as much as I used too. I will still never forget. Happy Birthday my angel baby.
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