I Need to Explain

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now but just haven't gotten around to it.  It's something that has really been weighing on me and for some reason I feel like I need to get it out there.  Some of you will understand it and some of you won't simply because you haven't walked in my shoes, but I at least want to try and give you a glimpse. 

Life as a twin mom is hard.  And I think it is something that a lot of people don't quite understand.  Sure I have a million people telling me daily "oh bless your heart","you have your hands full" or "I don't know how you do it".    Those are just people with images in there head about what they think it would be like.  What they think and the reality of it I'm going to assume doesn't even compare. 

Most of our nights are spent going back and forth between our bed and the boys bedroom.  With twins one can wake up at 2 am because of teething and then the other one will wake up at 3 am.  There isn't much sleep happening around our house.  We are constantly taking off work for illness.  It never fails that one gets sick and two days later the other one is sick.  (And yes I realize this happens with any siblings).  Every night there are two disastrous high chairs to clean up, two kids to clean off before they can even get out of the high chair, two kids to bathe, two diapers to change, two kids to put jammies on and two kids to get to sleep.  What this means for us is neither one of us gets a break for that night.  It requires the both of us at all times.  By the time they go to bed at 7 both of us are so exhausted that we usually follow right behind.  Not to mention we know how many times we will be getting up throughout the night and that our kids wake up anywhere between 4 am and 5 am most mornings.  Some may say how is this different from anyone else with mulitple children?  This is where I'm saying some will understand and some won't.  You have to remember this is two toddlers who are still very dependent on us.  It's not like having multiple children at different ages where one can do everything for themselves.  Most of you who are my friends have noticed that we never do anything.  We don't make it to birthday parties (kids or adults), we rarely eat out, we actually rarely leave the house. It's a lot of work.  The loading and unloading.  Making sure two toddlers are content and fed and not tired.  Just simply having to chase them around at someone elses house and tell them no a million times because things aren't baby proofed is not exactly our idea of a good time.  I do feel like I've lost some friends since having them and I think a lot of that just comes from others not understanding my daily life.  We're about to add a 3rd baby to this mix so it isn't going to get any better any time soon. 

In all honesty I don't know that I can accurately portray being a twin mom.  It's one of those things that we just do.  We somehow manage to make it through every day full of love because we have been so blessed. Twins are hard and come with a lot of "extras", but at the end of the day I wouldn't trade one minute of it.  Even if that means losing a few relationships along the way.  My kids will ALWAYS come first. 

Pre Postpartum

So it hit me, in my dream when I least expected it and had no control over my thoughts.  The "it" I am referring to is the sudden complete sadness that this pregnancy is almost over and of never being pregnant again.  I didn't expect to feel this way.  I didn't really feel this way at the end of the twin pregnancy or after.  I guess it's because maybe I knew that having another child was still a thought and possibility.  And thanks to God I was able to experience pregnancy again. Now, we aren't doing anything to officially take care of ever getting pregnant again, but in our minds we are done.  We want to be able to provide things for our children and kids aren't cheap these days.  I would like to return to normalcy at some point (I'll explain in another post).  I'm ready to move on from the baby phase and on to raising our children.  Don't get me wrong I will completely miss the baby phase, but I'm sure y'all understand what I mean.  I'm ready to have my body back and feel normal and all those wonderful things you lose control of when pregnant.  So my mind knows this, but my heart is feeling something completely different right now.  I'm going to contribute a huge amount of these feelings to infertility.  Yep it follows me everywhere.  It's really all we've known as a married couple.  It's all my body has known.  It's going to be very strange to not have that constant thought of pregnancy.  It's a new chapter we are starting and my hope is that once Bray is here my heart will feel complete.  For now I have less than 8 wks left of my final pregnancy and I'm grieving this chapter. 

On a happy note here are some pics of the boys from Halloween.  I was very amazed by how quickly they caught on to getting candy. 




This was the night we went trick or treating at the High School





These are from their daycare party.  Ignore the doll Brody is playing with. He is very secure with his masculinity



Toddler Beds Already?

The boys are only 16 months and it's looking like it might be time for one of them to go to a toddler bed already.  Let me explain.  Brody (the rebel) is our little climber.  He has been climbing on the couches at home, chairs at daycare (two falls on his head already), dog gates, you name it he wants to climb it.  About a month ago my mom at kept them at home one day. She had Brody in his crib while she was changing Beckham.  She said she turned around and saw Brody sitting on top of his changing table. That was the first and only incident we had had of him climbing out of his crib.  At that point I hadn't been too concerned because at night he lays down and goes straight to sleep and when he wakes up he usually wakes up crying/screaming.  Plus we have a video monitor to be able to watch him.  Well this past Saturday night Robert and I had gone to a football game.  When we got home the boys had been sound asleep for a couple of hours.  We visited with his sisters for a while, who had come over to watch the boys, and when they left I went in to check on the boys.  This is where I found Brody.

Sound asleep.  I'm still confused at how he just stopped at this point.  My reaction went from scared to immediately couldn't stop laughing.  Now I'm backed to a little scared.  It scares me that he did this so quietly.  What if he does this in the middle of the night and just rolls off?  I think our safer bet is to switch to the toddler bed, but even that scares me.  Then he has free reign of his bedroom if he wakes up.  Ah the decisions of parenting. 

Belly Shots

By special request from a friend whom I miss and no longer get updates on (I will not mention names ;)), here is a belly pic.  I have only taken 2 total this entire pregnancy so you all are lucky I just took one last week. 

This is with one child

 

And this is with two children

This pregnancy has definitely been a lot different and I can now see how people say they love being pregnant.  I have felt great for the most part and have even managed to make it to the gym most days.  I have recently had to stop because I have officially hit the tired/can't move your body stage.   I run out of breath talking.  This part of pregnancy always cracks me up and even more so this time around.  I do literally forget I'm pregnant some days and when I can't breath I'm like wow I'm out of shape then I realize it's because there is a human inside me.  I love feeling his kicks.  They are so different from the boys.  I can feel his entire body move. With the boys it was just one little body part jab because they didn't have much room to roam free.  I am so excited for the day he is born and to see all three brothers together for the first time.  My life is a huge blessing and I wouldn't trade any of it.   

Our Little Cutie

We had our 3D done this weekend.  It's about the only thing that I have managed to do this pregnancy.  I do only have about 11 weeks left so it's time for us to get on the ball.  I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going.  He was pretty much just as stubborn as his brothers and didn't give us a full frontal shot, but we got some good ones.  So far from what I can tell he is a good mixture of both of them.  He looks like he has Brody's chubby cheeks, but some other features of Beckhams.  What do y'all think? 

Here is Bray

Here is Beckham

Here is Brody

I must say, we make some pretty cute children.  This ultrasound got me super excited to meet him.  I'm assuming it's just because we hadn't seen him in so long.  I start my biweekly appointments this week.  I still really can't believe this is happening.  I am still silently freaking out about how we are going to handle it, but at the same time I am so excited to add more love to our family. 

15 Months

WOW!  It's really all I can say.  I'm not even sure how my sweet little babies have now turned in to full out toddlers.  A fellow friend blogger recently posted about how it is bittersweet to experience the life of a child.   In one sense you miss the complete innocence of a newborn baby but yet the personalities and independence these boys are getting is amazing to witness.  Every month new milestones are reached, new words are said and those sweet little boys somehow manage to make my heart grow bigger every day.  I have somehow managed to have the ability to take it all in and not take one day for granted with them.  I think part of this is because I have read so many stories lately about children being taken way too soon.  I cannot even begin to fathom my life without those two.  I have pretty much shut off from my previous pre parent life and that is my choice.  I can never get this time back with my babies.  They will never be the age they are today again.  It goes too fast to miss any of it and I don't want to ever look back with the regret that I didn't enjoy them at this age.  Before I know it they will be 18 and wanting to leave home.  I seriously already cry about that day, but lucky for me it's a little ways off.  I still don't know why God chose to bless us so much, but I am so incredibly thankful. 

Brody
Weight 19lbs 6oz (7%)
Length 30 1/2  (25%)
Head Circ 17 3/4 (9%)
Words: Mom, Dad, Nana, Papa, Ball, Fumble, Dog, More, Please, Thank You, Hi, Baby, Oh Man
Favorite songs: Deep and Wide and Five Little Monkeys (He does full out hand motions to both)
This kid can litterally already hit a ball off of a tee.  And we're talking golf tee and baseball tee. It's pretty impressive if I must say so myself.

Brody is a runner.  He runs everywhere.  Walking is just not in his speed.  He can now climb out of his crib and also climbs on every piece of furniture he can find.  He is very determined to do what he wants to do.  He is not a big fan of meat at the moment, but if you put any type of fruit or vegetable in front of him he will devour it.  When asked what a dog or monkey says he can tell you.  He can also point to his nose and eyes.  This kid has an amazing memory.  You show him something one time and it's in his memory.  He is currently working on getting only his 6th tooth.  That will make 4 top and two bottom.

Beckham
Weight 19lbs 9oz (8%)
Length 29 3/4  (7%)
Head Circ 18 1/4 (36%)
Words: Mom, Dad, Nana, Papa, Ball, Fumble, Dog, More, Please, Thank You, Baby
Favorite songs: Five Little Monkeys (He also does full out hand motions)

Beckham is still our little laid back guy.  You can often find him in his own little world just playing away and talking.  He absolutely LOVES to laugh.  His laugh is so contagious and warms my heart.  He loves to play this game where he turns his head away from you and pretends like he isn't listening.  He eventually breaks a smile and turns and giggles.  It's so cute!  He also loves to be chased and will laugh so hard he can't keep his balance. He isn't a picky eater. We have yet to find something he doesn't like.  We are still working on his athletic skills ;)  He got his first black eye at daycare a few weeks ago.  I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this "boy" stuff for the rest of my life, but I hear I'll get used to it.  He is still holding strong at 4 teeth with no signs of another popping through any time soon. 

If you will notice Beckham has now passed Brody in his weight.  He was almost a pound smaller at birth and really has been up until recently.  Beckham is an oinker.  That kid can eat.  He is actually still little bitty, but he has the fattest little legs and feet.  It cracks us up.  He can hardly fit in to any shoes.  They have really started interacting over the past two weeks.  I actually caught one of their conversations the other night.  Brody was going off saying something and Beckham just looked at him and shook his head yes.  What I wouldn't give to know what that was about haha.  They will play hide and seek with each other.  Twins just really are an experience unlike any other.  I'm lucky.  Most people still to this day say bless your heart and I still feel like saying no bless yours, your the one missing out.  And yes having 3 kids under 2 is going to be a handful.  It's going to be tiring and stressful, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  Just when I think my heart can't grow any more Bray is going to enter in to our amazing family and we will be complete.  I will get to witness brothers growing up together.  I will get to be the single most important woman in their life (until they marry of course).  I get to hear the words I love you every day and kiss those handsome little lips.  What more could you ask for in life? 

Baby #3 is...........

Another momma's BOY! 

I think we were both in a little bit of shock when we saw the little wee wee, but in some strange way I almost knew it was going to be another boy.  Like I'm meant to have all boys.   I'm not going to lie. There is a tiny part of me that is a little sad that I will never have a girl, but with that being said,  I know how much I love my boys and how much they love me.  I think it will be an amazing experience to raise three boys.  We are excited for this 3rd addition. We haven't decided 100% on a name yet.  We have plenty of time for that though along with everything else.  We don't have much to plan for for this one, so I'm sure we'll get around to the necessities in say December.  Here is a picture of our cutie.  He has his little butt up in the air.  So far he has the personality of Beckham, shying away from pictures.