Monday, October 18, 2010

I Get It

In the beginning of this process I kept thinking how easy it was. Wondering why they said it was so stressful and hard on your body. I thought the birth control was a piece of cake, the lupron injections were easy, and even the stims were easy. I especially thought it was nice not having to take my temperature every morning or "HAVING" to have baby making sex. I think itwas right before Embryo Retrieval, when all of the sudden I got it. I knew what they were talking about and have since been reminded daily of how stressful and emotional IVF is. It starts with going in to the Retrieval scared that they wont get any good eggs. Then they make you wait 24 hours to tell you if any even fertilized. Then another 24 hours to tell if you have any babies still alive. And not to mention the Progesterone shots that take your breathe away. (I will come back to this). Now I am sitting here without a report since Saturday of how my babies are doing. My Embryo Transfer is today. This is the day that seals the deal. There is nothing I can do from here. At the end of this next week and a half I will either be pregnant or a I won't. I have not slept very well for the past few nights. It is finally setting in that this could not work. I am trying to be very positive, but at some point I also have to face the reality.

Back to the Progesterone. The first two shots did not hurt that bad. I was actually surprised thinking, ok this is going to be a piece of cake. But then from those 2 on they have hurt like hell. It literally takes my breathe away. Pretty sure I was almost in tears yesterday morning. Not to mention my butt/hip is so sore from the injections that when I turn in my sleep it wakes me up because it hurts so bad. I have already been playing schemes in my head of how I can get the Dr to give me suppositories if I am pregant instead of this stupid thing. Yes, it's that bad.

On a really happy note, I have some pretty amazing friends. I walked out on my porch last night to a huge basket of goodies. I wish I would have taken a pic to show, but I was so excited to see what was inside. I got a robe, two pairs of sweatpants, tons of magazines, Twilight, 3 movies, an amazingly soft blanket, and lots of candy. This is exactly why I feel like people should not keep Infertility quiet. I cannot imagine doing this without all of the wonderul support I have. I am not ashamed of what I am going through and I'm so blessed to have friends and family that are here to support and pray for me and Robert.

7 hours and counting and I will officially have two babies inside me. Then bedrest until Thursday. I will update everyone on what quality of eggs were transferred. Then after that you may not be hearing from me for a while.


Amber D'Amico said...

much love and luck headed your way, Kandice. I will be praying for you today. I love this post... probably my favorite to-date... the reason is because you're right, the process of IVF is actually an easy task, but at the end when you start hearing about numbers and babies being made, it gets very real. Every single thing you've worked hard for and spent money on boil down to the last few days of retrieval, transfer and outcome. This post made me remember being in your shoes like it was yesterday. I am SO happy that things have gone so great for you through this! Sounds like your friends are unbelievably supportive of you, that's awesome! I can't wait to hear how excellent the transfer goes and about your lil' babies that get transferred.
With much love and prayer for you today,

LisaB said...

Many many prayers coming to you from me <3

Amber said...

I am so proud of you for the way you have handled all of this. Even before IVF. You have remained so hopeful and positive through it all. You are still happy for others around you when you could easily shut them out. That is why you have a good support system- because you've been so great yourself!!!

I feel excited today just waiting to hear about transfer. Things will soon be in much more capable hands. :)

Katie Hilfiker said...

Praying that your transfer goes well today, and that you will get a miracle baby/babies 9 months from now. I think I have extra special praying powers today, as 7 years ago today, my miracle baby was born after a 20 month battle with infertility and 2 miscarriages. LOTS OF PRAYERS FOR YOU!

Kristen said...

Lots of prayers being sent your way!

Courtney said...

Praying for you as always!!!! hang in there.. by next July 4th, you should be holding bundle #1 and (in my opinion) bundle #2! =D

I'm not giving up on this twins thing if you cant tell. hehe

God loves you and your babies more than you can ever imagine! And he is in control!.. thats the good news!

((((((hugs)))))) XOXO

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3