38 Weeks

Almost anyways.  I'm not sure if anyone else is paying attention, but a pregnancy is 40 weeks.  That means only two weeks left.  REALLY????  I'm about to be a mom to three boys under two.  That spells INSANITY!  I mean pure love :)  I officially stepped in to the mom club and bought a minivan.  It's pretty hot.  This will go down as one of those "I will never do this" things.  It was the only thing that made practical sense because we will have to buckle all three kids in ourselves.  I hate to admit it, but it is actually kind of nice.  It's very easy to get the boys in and out and there is so much room!  We pretty much have everything ready to go for Bray's arrival.  We need to get the car seat down and cleaned and put in the van and then we have to put his co-sleeper up in our bedroom, but that is it.  Robert keeps reminding me this can be done in a matter of minutes.  I was supposed to be scheduled for a repeat c-section at 38 weeks, but my doctor decided to go on vacation for two weeks.  Can you believe that?  I'm having a baby here?  I kid.  She deserves it.  I will now be having him a little after 39 weeks.  This scares the crap out of me because a) I'm miserable and b) I'm not supposed to go in to labor.  Although the weird person in me wants to know what labor is about.  I was checked last week and nada, so I'm sure he is staying put.  I'm embarassed to say (actually I'm not embarassed at all) I have gained almost as much weight with this singleton as I did with the twins.  I'm really not even sure how that happened.  Maybe it was the two breakfasts I had to eat in the second trimester to not get sick?  Who cares though.  I lost all the weight from the twins and some so I'm not that concerned about it.  Plus I am officially pregnant the longest I have ever been pregant.  The boys were about 3 days old at this point.  It really is weird the differences in the pregnancies.  I can feel this little guy so much.  I feel him trying to do head stands.  I feel him rolling. I feel everything.  The movements are more painful.  I also can feel the pressure down below.  I don't think the twins ever had a chance to drop.  I'm ready for him to be here although I know I will miss him in my belly the moment he is out.  I'm trying to take these last two weeks in.  It's so hard at this stage though.  Here is my 37 week belly.  Can't believe it is almost time. EEEEKKKKK!!!!

Here are the twins for comparison

And just because this was so darn cute.

18 Months

Wow!  My babies are half way to two.  I realize I say this in almost every post, but seriously where does the time go.  They are truly turning in to little boys and it is so amazing to watch.  Sometimes I can't wrap my head around it because to me they are still newborns.  I now get how my parents say that I will always be their baby.  The love for these kids is so unreal.   I don't know how my heart contiues to grow with each day, but it does.  They are so much fun at this age while also being very challenging.  Here are their stats.

Beckham

Weight: 22lbs (20%)
Height: 31in (10%)
Head: 18 1/2 (39%)

Somehow he has outgrown his brother in the weight department.  And I still don't understand how his head is bigger because if you are looking at them you would never guess that.  He is still the most giggly little boy. His laugh literally melts my heart.  I have several recordings of it so I will never forget.  He loves to dance.  He's got some pretty good moves too.  His favorite song these days is The Itsy Bitsy Spider.  Oh and The Wheels on the Bus. He is really good at the babies crying hand motions.  This kid loves to snack.  I really think he would rather have snacks than a real meal.  He is still pretty independent, but has recently starting standing up to his bully brother.  His new favorite word is no so that is constantly what he is telling Brody.  Oh or mine.  He has learned how to throw fits. I know I shouldn't, but I actually find them to be kind of cute.  He's is just my sweet innocent one so it is different to see him get all upset.  His vocabulary is expanding what seems like daily.  Still getting used to my babies communicating with me.  He is a total daddy's boy.  We show up to daycare and he will run right to his daddy like I'm not even there and like I'm not the one who threw up nonstop and carried him for 9 months.  Whatever kid.  I still love you with all my heart!!!

Brody

Weight: 21lbs 9oz (16%)
31 1/4in (14%)
Head: 18 (11%)

Oh Brody.  I'm pretty sure this is my payback kid.  He is a climber.  Anything and everything he wants to be up on top of it.  And then he wants to go head first off of it.  He finds this very humourous.  I on the other hand about go in to labor every time he does it.  We can pretty much no longer confine him to certain areas of the house because he has figured out how to open the baby gates.  He loves to scream. He loves to talk. And as of recently he loves to either push his brother or try and pull his legs.  One very important thing about him though is he is still the biggest lover.  He loves to be cuddled and kissed.  He really does love his brother I think he just has a different way of showing it at the moment.  He does still randomly go up and give him hugs or kisses.  He is really trying to talk.  We realized yesterday that he has been saying "what is that?". He points and asks.  This has made me come to realize they really are growing up.  He can ask questions now.  I'm not sure I'm ok with this. I know I know, I don't have a choice.  He loves The Itsy Bitsy Spider too and The Wheels on the Bus.  I'm pretty sure we sing it about 20 times a night.  He's not much of an eater.  Some nights he will really surprise us and devour his food. Others he just throws it to the dogs.  The nights he eats it's usually pizza.  He is still a total momma's boy!  It will be interesting when the baby comes.  I love you more than I can ever explain. 

The recent shootings have really hit hard for me.  Having children of my own now I feel like I can feel that pain so much deeper.  I really want to lock them up and never let them out of my sight.  I know that is not realistic.  As a mom all I want to do is protect them from everything.  I'm not sure how I can ever come to terms with the fact that that is just not possible.  I've spent a lot of time in prayer just asking for God to put his hands on them and keep them safe.  That's my only protection right now.  It will not be my choice when their time is up.  I think I need to spend more time in prayer to let go of that control.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas.

 

Pure Joy

These are the moments that make up a mom's heart !

I Need to Explain

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now but just haven't gotten around to it.  It's something that has really been weighing on me and for some reason I feel like I need to get it out there.  Some of you will understand it and some of you won't simply because you haven't walked in my shoes, but I at least want to try and give you a glimpse. 

Life as a twin mom is hard.  And I think it is something that a lot of people don't quite understand.  Sure I have a million people telling me daily "oh bless your heart","you have your hands full" or "I don't know how you do it".    Those are just people with images in there head about what they think it would be like.  What they think and the reality of it I'm going to assume doesn't even compare. 

Most of our nights are spent going back and forth between our bed and the boys bedroom.  With twins one can wake up at 2 am because of teething and then the other one will wake up at 3 am.  There isn't much sleep happening around our house.  We are constantly taking off work for illness.  It never fails that one gets sick and two days later the other one is sick.  (And yes I realize this happens with any siblings).  Every night there are two disastrous high chairs to clean up, two kids to clean off before they can even get out of the high chair, two kids to bathe, two diapers to change, two kids to put jammies on and two kids to get to sleep.  What this means for us is neither one of us gets a break for that night.  It requires the both of us at all times.  By the time they go to bed at 7 both of us are so exhausted that we usually follow right behind.  Not to mention we know how many times we will be getting up throughout the night and that our kids wake up anywhere between 4 am and 5 am most mornings.  Some may say how is this different from anyone else with mulitple children?  This is where I'm saying some will understand and some won't.  You have to remember this is two toddlers who are still very dependent on us.  It's not like having multiple children at different ages where one can do everything for themselves.  Most of you who are my friends have noticed that we never do anything.  We don't make it to birthday parties (kids or adults), we rarely eat out, we actually rarely leave the house. It's a lot of work.  The loading and unloading.  Making sure two toddlers are content and fed and not tired.  Just simply having to chase them around at someone elses house and tell them no a million times because things aren't baby proofed is not exactly our idea of a good time.  I do feel like I've lost some friends since having them and I think a lot of that just comes from others not understanding my daily life.  We're about to add a 3rd baby to this mix so it isn't going to get any better any time soon. 

In all honesty I don't know that I can accurately portray being a twin mom.  It's one of those things that we just do.  We somehow manage to make it through every day full of love because we have been so blessed. Twins are hard and come with a lot of "extras", but at the end of the day I wouldn't trade one minute of it.  Even if that means losing a few relationships along the way.  My kids will ALWAYS come first. 

Pre Postpartum

So it hit me, in my dream when I least expected it and had no control over my thoughts.  The "it" I am referring to is the sudden complete sadness that this pregnancy is almost over and of never being pregnant again.  I didn't expect to feel this way.  I didn't really feel this way at the end of the twin pregnancy or after.  I guess it's because maybe I knew that having another child was still a thought and possibility.  And thanks to God I was able to experience pregnancy again. Now, we aren't doing anything to officially take care of ever getting pregnant again, but in our minds we are done.  We want to be able to provide things for our children and kids aren't cheap these days.  I would like to return to normalcy at some point (I'll explain in another post).  I'm ready to move on from the baby phase and on to raising our children.  Don't get me wrong I will completely miss the baby phase, but I'm sure y'all understand what I mean.  I'm ready to have my body back and feel normal and all those wonderful things you lose control of when pregnant.  So my mind knows this, but my heart is feeling something completely different right now.  I'm going to contribute a huge amount of these feelings to infertility.  Yep it follows me everywhere.  It's really all we've known as a married couple.  It's all my body has known.  It's going to be very strange to not have that constant thought of pregnancy.  It's a new chapter we are starting and my hope is that once Bray is here my heart will feel complete.  For now I have less than 8 wks left of my final pregnancy and I'm grieving this chapter. 

On a happy note here are some pics of the boys from Halloween.  I was very amazed by how quickly they caught on to getting candy. 




This was the night we went trick or treating at the High School





These are from their daycare party.  Ignore the doll Brody is playing with. He is very secure with his masculinity



Toddler Beds Already?

The boys are only 16 months and it's looking like it might be time for one of them to go to a toddler bed already.  Let me explain.  Brody (the rebel) is our little climber.  He has been climbing on the couches at home, chairs at daycare (two falls on his head already), dog gates, you name it he wants to climb it.  About a month ago my mom at kept them at home one day. She had Brody in his crib while she was changing Beckham.  She said she turned around and saw Brody sitting on top of his changing table. That was the first and only incident we had had of him climbing out of his crib.  At that point I hadn't been too concerned because at night he lays down and goes straight to sleep and when he wakes up he usually wakes up crying/screaming.  Plus we have a video monitor to be able to watch him.  Well this past Saturday night Robert and I had gone to a football game.  When we got home the boys had been sound asleep for a couple of hours.  We visited with his sisters for a while, who had come over to watch the boys, and when they left I went in to check on the boys.  This is where I found Brody.

Sound asleep.  I'm still confused at how he just stopped at this point.  My reaction went from scared to immediately couldn't stop laughing.  Now I'm backed to a little scared.  It scares me that he did this so quietly.  What if he does this in the middle of the night and just rolls off?  I think our safer bet is to switch to the toddler bed, but even that scares me.  Then he has free reign of his bedroom if he wakes up.  Ah the decisions of parenting. 

Belly Shots

By special request from a friend whom I miss and no longer get updates on (I will not mention names ;)), here is a belly pic.  I have only taken 2 total this entire pregnancy so you all are lucky I just took one last week. 

This is with one child

 

And this is with two children

This pregnancy has definitely been a lot different and I can now see how people say they love being pregnant.  I have felt great for the most part and have even managed to make it to the gym most days.  I have recently had to stop because I have officially hit the tired/can't move your body stage.   I run out of breath talking.  This part of pregnancy always cracks me up and even more so this time around.  I do literally forget I'm pregnant some days and when I can't breath I'm like wow I'm out of shape then I realize it's because there is a human inside me.  I love feeling his kicks.  They are so different from the boys.  I can feel his entire body move. With the boys it was just one little body part jab because they didn't have much room to roam free.  I am so excited for the day he is born and to see all three brothers together for the first time.  My life is a huge blessing and I wouldn't trade any of it.   

Our Little Cutie

We had our 3D done this weekend.  It's about the only thing that I have managed to do this pregnancy.  I do only have about 11 weeks left so it's time for us to get on the ball.  I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going.  He was pretty much just as stubborn as his brothers and didn't give us a full frontal shot, but we got some good ones.  So far from what I can tell he is a good mixture of both of them.  He looks like he has Brody's chubby cheeks, but some other features of Beckhams.  What do y'all think? 

Here is Bray

Here is Beckham

Here is Brody

I must say, we make some pretty cute children.  This ultrasound got me super excited to meet him.  I'm assuming it's just because we hadn't seen him in so long.  I start my biweekly appointments this week.  I still really can't believe this is happening.  I am still silently freaking out about how we are going to handle it, but at the same time I am so excited to add more love to our family. 

15 Months

WOW!  It's really all I can say.  I'm not even sure how my sweet little babies have now turned in to full out toddlers.  A fellow friend blogger recently posted about how it is bittersweet to experience the life of a child.   In one sense you miss the complete innocence of a newborn baby but yet the personalities and independence these boys are getting is amazing to witness.  Every month new milestones are reached, new words are said and those sweet little boys somehow manage to make my heart grow bigger every day.  I have somehow managed to have the ability to take it all in and not take one day for granted with them.  I think part of this is because I have read so many stories lately about children being taken way too soon.  I cannot even begin to fathom my life without those two.  I have pretty much shut off from my previous pre parent life and that is my choice.  I can never get this time back with my babies.  They will never be the age they are today again.  It goes too fast to miss any of it and I don't want to ever look back with the regret that I didn't enjoy them at this age.  Before I know it they will be 18 and wanting to leave home.  I seriously already cry about that day, but lucky for me it's a little ways off.  I still don't know why God chose to bless us so much, but I am so incredibly thankful. 

Brody
Weight 19lbs 6oz (7%)
Length 30 1/2  (25%)
Head Circ 17 3/4 (9%)
Words: Mom, Dad, Nana, Papa, Ball, Fumble, Dog, More, Please, Thank You, Hi, Baby, Oh Man
Favorite songs: Deep and Wide and Five Little Monkeys (He does full out hand motions to both)
This kid can litterally already hit a ball off of a tee.  And we're talking golf tee and baseball tee. It's pretty impressive if I must say so myself.

Brody is a runner.  He runs everywhere.  Walking is just not in his speed.  He can now climb out of his crib and also climbs on every piece of furniture he can find.  He is very determined to do what he wants to do.  He is not a big fan of meat at the moment, but if you put any type of fruit or vegetable in front of him he will devour it.  When asked what a dog or monkey says he can tell you.  He can also point to his nose and eyes.  This kid has an amazing memory.  You show him something one time and it's in his memory.  He is currently working on getting only his 6th tooth.  That will make 4 top and two bottom.

Beckham
Weight 19lbs 9oz (8%)
Length 29 3/4  (7%)
Head Circ 18 1/4 (36%)
Words: Mom, Dad, Nana, Papa, Ball, Fumble, Dog, More, Please, Thank You, Baby
Favorite songs: Five Little Monkeys (He also does full out hand motions)

Beckham is still our little laid back guy.  You can often find him in his own little world just playing away and talking.  He absolutely LOVES to laugh.  His laugh is so contagious and warms my heart.  He loves to play this game where he turns his head away from you and pretends like he isn't listening.  He eventually breaks a smile and turns and giggles.  It's so cute!  He also loves to be chased and will laugh so hard he can't keep his balance. He isn't a picky eater. We have yet to find something he doesn't like.  We are still working on his athletic skills ;)  He got his first black eye at daycare a few weeks ago.  I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this "boy" stuff for the rest of my life, but I hear I'll get used to it.  He is still holding strong at 4 teeth with no signs of another popping through any time soon. 

If you will notice Beckham has now passed Brody in his weight.  He was almost a pound smaller at birth and really has been up until recently.  Beckham is an oinker.  That kid can eat.  He is actually still little bitty, but he has the fattest little legs and feet.  It cracks us up.  He can hardly fit in to any shoes.  They have really started interacting over the past two weeks.  I actually caught one of their conversations the other night.  Brody was going off saying something and Beckham just looked at him and shook his head yes.  What I wouldn't give to know what that was about haha.  They will play hide and seek with each other.  Twins just really are an experience unlike any other.  I'm lucky.  Most people still to this day say bless your heart and I still feel like saying no bless yours, your the one missing out.  And yes having 3 kids under 2 is going to be a handful.  It's going to be tiring and stressful, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  Just when I think my heart can't grow any more Bray is going to enter in to our amazing family and we will be complete.  I will get to witness brothers growing up together.  I will get to be the single most important woman in their life (until they marry of course).  I get to hear the words I love you every day and kiss those handsome little lips.  What more could you ask for in life? 

Baby #3 is...........

Another momma's BOY! 

I think we were both in a little bit of shock when we saw the little wee wee, but in some strange way I almost knew it was going to be another boy.  Like I'm meant to have all boys.   I'm not going to lie. There is a tiny part of me that is a little sad that I will never have a girl, but with that being said,  I know how much I love my boys and how much they love me.  I think it will be an amazing experience to raise three boys.  We are excited for this 3rd addition. We haven't decided 100% on a name yet.  We have plenty of time for that though along with everything else.  We don't have much to plan for for this one, so I'm sure we'll get around to the necessities in say December.  Here is a picture of our cutie.  He has his little butt up in the air.  So far he has the personality of Beckham, shying away from pictures. 

16 Weeks

It's amazing how different the second pregnancy is from the first.  Aside from the nausea and constant headaches I actually forget that I am pregnant.  I had my 16 wks appt yesterday (more like 15 1/2) and everything is going good.  I'm up 8 lbs total. Oops! I have to constantly eat though to not feel sick.  The heart rate was at 144.  This pregnancy is so boring compared to the twins. I think I had already seen them about 4 times at this point.  I've seen this baby once.  And in reality will only see it one more time.  I'm not sure I'm ok with this.  I think every pregnancy should be considered high risk.  Ultrasounds should be done monthly.  Maybe I should go to the ER and tell them I'm concerned ;) Kidding.  I won't.  Maybe. I don't feel like I need to do any planning for this baby.  We have pretty much everything unless it is a girl.  Then really all we need is clothes.  Aside from diapers and wipes obviously.  Speaking of gender.  We find out a week from Monday.  I am so excited.  The million dollar question these days is do you want a girl now.  My answer is honestly I wanted a girl so bad with the boys and was a little dissapointed, but now I can't imagine not having another boy.  I feel like I am born to be a momma of boys.  So really either way this time I am ok.  I am starting to show.  Still somewhat looks like a fat ball, but it is getting there.  I feel like I am already having braxton hicks, but I'm not sure that is even possible this early so who knows what I am feeling.  I swear today I have felt the baby kick.  I still wonder if I really did though. I could totally be making it up in my head.  I almost feel bad for this baby already.  With the boys they were so anticipated that I did everything.  Belly pictures, pregnancy journal, etc.  I have not taken one picture of my belly.  Haven't even thought about writing in a book.  Nothing!  I have got to make an effort to make this one just as exciting as the twins.  Don't get me wrong. We are super excited.  We just don't really have time after working 9 hour days, coming home to two 13 month olds, feeding them, bathing them, and chasing them to really stop and remember we are having another baby.  I'm actually really excited to start showing more and hear peoples reactions when we are in public with the boys.  I think it is going to be awesome that people think we are so crazy.  I was starting to feel better then last weekend my nausea came back and is now accompanied by daily headaches.  Fun stuff this pregnancy thing is.  I still can say this is a lot easier than it was with the boys.  My aches and pains have not started yet and I think I was still throwing up multiple times a day at this point with no end in sight.  Well anyways, there was my update on this pregnancy.  Robert and I are both guessing girl so we shall see if we are right.

I forgot to mention that the non stop night peeing has started this week.  And imagine this. It's the same week the boys have slept all night long without a peep!  Go figure.  2 more years and maybe I'll get sleep again. I still wouldn't have it any other way though.

My World Became Complete Today

I have to share the most amazing moment as a mom that I may have had so far.  Today we were leaving daycare and I kissed Brody and told him that I loved him and plain as day he said "love you" back.  Me and Robert just stood there looking at each other like did you just hear that?  I of course immediately started crying.  My heart is still so huge right now from hearing those words from my very own son.  I have waited so long for moments like these.  I love those kids so stinking much.

What Are we Up to

I realized I really haven't blogged about all the things the boys can do now and what we have been up to lately.  Really what we have been up to is staying at home.  They have officially become too much to handle in public.  When we go out to eat they are occupied for a good 30 minutes and then they get bored and want down.  Doesn't make for a peaceful dinner out.  We have attempted to go to a few parties with them and that is a disaster too.  It has gotten incredibly challenging and frustrating to be at someone else's house.  At our house we have gates up and the boys can just take off.  At others we have to constantly keep an eye on them, tell them no and chase them everywhere.  It has really been unenjoyable to go anywhere.  So we sit at home and play.  We play in our little pool and they play with their water table. We went to the pool this past weekend and they had a blast and were actually pretty good.  They love water just like their momma.  I am finally feeling better so we were able to make it back to church Sunday. The boys started a new class and they loved it.  When we picked them up they told us they did so good and just played with everyone.  That makes this momma happy.  They are still taking two naps a day.  I contribute this to the fact that the little stink butts wake up at 4:30/5:00 every morning.  I am praying this changes soon!  We are completely off bottles and formula.  This was a major Hallelujah day.  It was actually a pretty easy transition.  Next will be binkies and I know that one won't be so easy.  I'd like to do it before the new baby comes, but not sure if it will happen.  They are eating all adult food now.  They chow down. I don't know where they put it all. I mean they can literaly eat more than me and Robert. Their favorite is pancakes.  Here are some little individual developments.

Beckham:
-words - bubba, momma, dada, nana, ball
-He can stand on his own, but hasn't started walking yet.  He can take about 2-3 steps and then he falls. You can tell he really wants to, so I'm sure it is just a matter of weeks before he takes off. 
-He can somewhat say more in sign language. It is more of a clap, but we know what he means :)
Beckham is still so laid back.  He is starting to get a little tougher with his brother, but for the most part is still very passive.  He gives kisses, but mostly only to his brother.  He has become a major daddy's boy. 

Brody:
words- bubba, momma, dada, nana, ball, please, thank you (ball is his favorite word that he repeats over and over)
-He is full force running!  I swear one day he just took off and hasn't stopped since.  It is so cute seeing his little body just go everywhere.  He is so much happier now that he can walk too.  He walks around picking everything up and throws it. 
Brody is really understanding what you say to him.  I can tell him to go get his cup and he will go right to it.  Pretty much the same for anything I say.  He has a shovel he got for his birthday that he loves to carry around.  He is still very ornery, but also the biggest cuddler ever.  He is constantly kissing his brother and has recently started picking things up and giving them to Beckham.  It is so sweet and melts my heart. 

They have really started interacting with each other.  It will be so funny when we put them in their cribs for nap time.  Next thing you know all you hear is them cracking up laughing back and forth at each other.  Every day is getting a lot more challenging, but it is also getting so fun. I love the different personalities that each of them have. This really is the time when something new happens every day.  I'm excited for the milestones to come.

Happy Birthday Little Miracles

One year ago today is the day my life changed forever.  I would have never guessed seeing those two little faces for the first time would fill my life as much as it has. These boys are the reason for my life.  They are my purpose.  I can't believe they are a year old today. The time has flown and I'm not ok with it, but I guess I don't have a choice. Being able to be a mom has been the most wonderful, heartwarming experience.  I cherish every day I have with them.  These boys have completely stole my heart. 

We had their party yesterday. It was a complete success.  All the people that matter the most in their lives were there.  These boys are going to grow up with a great family and I love that for them.  They dug in to their smash cakes and hammed it up for everyone.  They didn't have much intereset in opening presents, but that's the other perk of being a mom.  You get to do it for them.  They had a great time playing with all their toys last night.  Here are a few pics from the party.  The ones with the boys actually in them are on my mother in laws camera, so I'll post those later.

I am so incredibly proud of these boys and can't wait to watch them grow up.  (slowly please)  They make every morning worth waking up at 5am.  I'm currently listening to Robert tickle Beckham and he is laughing like crazy.  Moments like these make me realize how blessed I am. There is nothing better than the sound of those boys.  I love them more than I could ever express.  Happy Birthday my little Monkey and little Monster. 

1st Birthday Pics and a Surprise

I have so many pictures to post, but need to find the time.  Wait... I mean I need to stop going to bed at 7:30 and post them.  Until then these will have to do.  Nicole Hager did our maternity and newborn pictures.  We absolutely L-O-V-E her work.  So of course we called upon her to do the boys 1st year pics.  She is seriously amazing! Here are a couple that we put on their 1st Birthday invitations.  I will share the rest after the party.  I can't believe it's time for the party :(

Now for the surprise

There is a new (God Willing) Baby Baker coming January 12th.

This was a big surprise.  Of course we were not trying with 10 month old (at that time) twin boys.  We had talked about having a third child, but always wondered if we really would because of how expensive it would be.  I guess God made that decision for us.  I am almost 9 wks, so I still have a few more weeks to go before I feel somewhat safe.  I am sick again this time. It is nothing compared to the boys, but it is still miserable and 24 hours a day.  I officially resent woman who do not have morning sickness! Actually I worship you.  We are both freaking out about how we are going to do this financially.  It's one of those situations where you should trust God, but you just can't understand how he will make this work.  I stress about money as it is.  I know we will find a way though.  After all we have been through this is a huge blessing.

Reflections

Beckham
I miss you kicking my bladder
I miss hearing your heartbeat on the doppler
I miss your hands raised in the air like you have a question
I miss your first little smiles
I miss your preemie diapers
I miss your preemie outfits
I miss the way your little body fit perfectly on my chest
I miss you all wrapped up in your swaddle
I miss the way you always had to be touching your brother
I will miss your precious baby giggle
I will miss the way you say "da" in your whisper voice
I will miss the way you bounce in your crib
I will miss the way you crack up laughing because you think your brother is chasing you
I will miss the way your roll them up
I will miss the way you instantly fall asleep when you are in my arms
I will miss seeing your mouth constantly suck when you are sleeping
I will miss feeling you stroke my hair when you are sleeping next to me
I will miss those tiny hands and tiny feet

Brody
I miss you getting hiccups in my belly
I miss you beating up your brother in my belly
I miss hearing your heartbeat on the doppler
I miss your grunts when you were a baby
I miss your smiles when you slept as a baby
I miss your big kissable lips
I miss seeing you wrapped up in your swaddle as your head made its way to your brother
I miss your preemie diapers
I miss your preemie outfits
I miss they way your fit perfectly on my chest
I will miss the way you close your eyes and let out a loud scream
I will miss your open mouth kisses
I will miss those big blue eyes staring at me when I am holding you at night
I will miss you cuddling next to me at 4am
I will miss seeing you kiss your brother
I will miss seeing you shake your head no
I will miss seeing you play patty cake
I will miss those tiny hands and tiny feet

I think I get now why people are usually on to their second kid at this age.  The babies are starting to turn in to little boys (toddlers).  They are becoming more and more independent.  I truly miss them as babies.  I hope I am taking in as much as a I can every day. Time flies too fast now and I sometimes feel like I don't have time to stop and just be.  Anytime their little hands grab on to mine I take a minute, close my eyes and try to remember that I will miss this. I want to remember what they felt like, the way they smelled, the way they looked at me. EVERYTHING! As much as I hate that they are growing up I know that these days are getting better and better. They learn so much right now and they can call me mom. They interact now. They kiss me now. They are so much fun and the older they get the more I miss them during the day. Not that I didn't miss them before, but you know what I mean. It's everything I've ever wanted in life. I just hope it slows down a little because this happened way too fast!

PS.  Does anyone know why my pics upload sideways? 

Blog Barf

I’m calling this a blog barf because I have a lot of updating to do. So instead of several different blogs I’m just going to do it in one. Hope you have grabbed some coffee.

Easter

The boys woke up to their cute little Easter baskets. Brody had a great time taking everything out and putting it in his mouth. Beckham just got one thing out and chewed on it. They got some great new toys. I really thought they would be more interested in their truck, but just not yet I guess. They loved the blocks and mommy and daddy loved the candy. We went out to my aunts that day for Easter dinner and egg hunt. Of course the boys didn’t really get to hunt, but they got a nice taste of a colored egg. I must say they looked very handsome.

First Hospital Overnight Stay

We have had our first official BIG scare as parents. Last Wed night about midnight Robert woke me up to tell me he was worried about Brody. I asked what he meant and he said he was breathing really heavy. I rush in there and he was taking very short heavy breaths. I immediately picked him up and notice something wasn’t right. We gave him a breathing treatment and then laid him in bed with us. He woke up again about 3:00 still breathing very deep and extremely cranky like he couldn’t get comfortable. I took his temperature and it was 101.3. We immediately decided we needed to take him in to the hospital to get checked out. We got checked in to the ER and his oxygen level was at 91, dropping to 89 at times. He was retracting while breathing which is apparently not good. They proceeded to give him 3 breathing treatments which were each double the dose of what we give at home and a steroid pill. Even after those 3 his oxygen was still at 91. They called our pediatrician to decide what he wanted to do. In the meantime they ran an iv of fluids and did a urine and blood test. They discovered he was dehydrated and he had a high amount of sugar in his blood. It was over 220. A normal fasting blood sugar level is between 80-120. Our Dr called backed and said he wanted to admit him. He was going to come by to check on him as soon as we got in our room. Of course the minute he was up there his oxygen level had gone up to 100%. Right before we went up the Dr in the ER had finally given him oxygen through a mask, so apparently that helped. He said we were just going to monitor him for the day and watch his sugar levels and we should be able to go home that night. Well the 100% didn’t last long and his temperature kept spiking and when they retested his blood sugar it was still 170. So he told us we were staying overnight for further observation. We did breathing treatments every four hours along with this awesome powered nose sucker. I was really worried about how difficult it would be to tame a 10 month old who can’t move because he was hooked up to monitors, but he was especially sweet and cuddling and pretty much just laid with us the whole time. The night was pretty miserable because they come in every hour to do something, so needless to say none of us got sleep for a good 48 hours. His oxygen stayed steady through Friday morning and no more temperature spikes. They rechecked his blood sugar and it was back down to 80 something. So we got to go home Friday morning. He went back in this week for a check up and they said he sounded and looked great. It was a severe bronchiolitis and he thinks his lungs were still weak from having RSV a few weeks prior. Come to find out they also had put some sugar something or another in his iv fluids which made his levels spike. OH lovely ER people. They treated us great though so I will not complain. I’m just happy my baby is ok. We are continuing breathing treatments right now and just keeping a close eye on him and Beckham just in case.

Weight Loss

I would just like to take a moment to brag on myself. I am currently 10 lbs lighter from when I got pregnant with the boys. I attribute this to not having a million hormones pumped in to my body anymore and the lack of stress from trying to conceive. I feel great and hoping for another 10 lbs to come off soon.

House

We are currently in the process of trying to sell our house. We built this house when Robert and I were getting married and it was perfect for just us. Now that we have added two little busy guys to our family we have just ran out of space. There is no backyard for these boys to play in. We got our first offer yesterday. While this is exciting, it is also kind of sad. I am the sentimental type so there are so many things connected to this house. This was the boys first home. We set up their first room there and brought them home for the first time to this house. So many memories we will be leaving behind, but so many to look forward to in whichever home we chose. We want to give these boys so much and a new place with lots of room for them to play is just the start of that. There are so many decisions to be made. Like the right school district, the right neighborhood. I hope they love where they grow up. It’s amazing the way things change when you have children.

Back to the Dr.

If there are any guys that read my blog, you may want to skip this section. Just saying!  So today I am headed back to my OB/GYN.  It's weird to think I haven't been to the Dr in a long time considering about a year ago and for the previous 3 years, my drs were very familiar and well acquainted with my lady parts.  Ever since I got my periods back post partum they have been horrible!  A lot of people have told me that theirs were bad too after their babies, but let me tell you mine are not normal.  AT ALL!  Very heavy and very long.  Pretty much through to ovulation.  Yes I can still tell when I'm ovulating.  I was well trained for over 3 years :)  So today I will go in to figure out what is going on and what to do.  My fear is that she will tell me I need to be back on birth control.  Something I have said I refuse to do after trying for a baby for 3.2 years. A few good friends of mine reminded me though that my life now is about the two babies I have and my health for them.  Birth control is not always bad.  I have a huge fear that I will not be able to have any more children (we just want one more), but that should not even be in my thoughts now.  I need to take care of me so I can take care of them.  If for some reason this does turn in to something that does not allow that for us, then I will be very thankful still that God did bless us with these two amazing full of life boys. I have to remind myself sometimes to count my blessings for today and not for the what ifs of the future.

Pics

Now how about just some cute pics of my awesome little guys.  I want to cry at how big they are getting.  Yesterday at daycare I was telling them bye and with his big boy open shut wave, Beckham waved bye.  I literally cried.  What happened to my babies?

Overwhelmed

I don't get overwhelmed much as a mom, especially as a mom to twins, but here lately I am. And not for the reasons one might think. Yes, I cannot take my eyes off them for two seconds or they will be in the dog bowl and yes, it's an extra 30 minutes added on to our morning getting two boys ready and yes, they cry at the same time. But those things are easy. Those things make our life fun and unpredictable. What I am overwhelmed with is this constant sickness. Over the past few months both kids have been constantly sick. I'm talking MAYBE one week out of the month do they feel good. We have constant ear infections, constant runny noses, constant coughs, which means constant throwing up. It's one of those times as a mom you are completely helpless. You can't do anything to make your babies feel better or make it go away. I lay in my bed at night with tears streaming down my face because all I can hear is my poor babies coughing their heads off and trying to breathe through all the snot. I have been feeling this extreme guilt for working lately. Sending them to daycare is what is getting them sick. I just want to be able to take off one month so they can stay home and get healthy. We don't get to enjoy them and they don't get to enjoy life. I know that sounds dramatic, but that's how I feel. I feel like I'm missing out on our babies growing up because all they want to do is lay around or sleep. They are always fussy because they don't get any sleep at night. And just when we feel like we have them sleep trained AGAIN, bam another sickness hits. This also means we don't get any sleep. Which is fine. I'd rather cuddle my little boys anyday when they are sick, but at some point we need that sleep to function. It's gets exhausting. Not to mention I am now taking leave without pay. And that is still with our family members helping out as much as they can. This is another guilt. I am their mother and I can't even take off as much as I'd like to care for them. We are also paying a large amount of money for a daycare they can't even attend more than 2 days a week. I hate these feelings that I am having. I guess I'll just keep holding out for that 1st birthday. That's when every tells me it gets better. Until then pray for this momma, because I'm overwhelmed!





Well I was going to upload some pics, but apparently I have become computer illiterate. They are all sideways now and wont turn. I'll figure it out soon :)

Month 9

Here we are again.  Another month down.  Can someone please tell time to go slower!  The boys are growing and learning like crazy.  I realize that all the things they learn are part of their development, but I seriously can't help but be one proud momma.  They are so smart and are doing things before the average age.  Not trying to brag, but I just really worried about this with them being twins and born at 37.4 weeks.  You know, because the world tries to scare you with that nonsense.  Anyway, poo on you people because our boys are strong, healthy and brilliant!

Beckham

Weight 15lbs 13oz (2%)
Length 27.5 in (21%)
Head 17.5 in (37%)
Milestones:  Says Dada, Mama, Buba, Nana.  This kid is verbally advanced :)  Pulls up on anything and everything, but gets stuck and doesn't know how to get down. It's pretty dang cute.  He now gives me open mouth kisses.  He is still just the most laid back little guy. He has been really laughing lately.  He will get his little giggle box turned on and you could just do about anything and he will think you are the funniest person in the world.  He has started doing this thing where he crawls towards something and opens his mouth like he is going to attack it like a monster.  So cute!!!!!  He has one tooth.  Working on another.

Brody

Weight 16lbs 11oz (8%)
Length 27.5 in (21%)
Head 17 in (8%)
Milestones: Still just says Dada (non-stop).  He loves to scream!  He pulls up on anything and everything and has recently started leaning back while holding on.  Then just lets go to bounce on his bottom.  It's hilarious.  He loves doing it in his crib because he bounces. He shakes his head no. We think this is cute now, but probably wont in a few months.  He plays patty cake and he still loves to give his momma kisses.  This little turd had an attitude and is seriously going to be a handful.  He knows what he wants and he is determined to have it his way.  He bullies his little (big) brother.  Constantly stealing his paci and bottle.  He will crawl right over him like he isn't even there.  This is probably why this kid knows no already.  He gets told it often.  He has one tooth. Working on another.

Both boys are just really taking off growing developmentally.  It's so amazing to be a part of watching this every day.  Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself to know this is real.  I really finally am a mom.  And not just a mom.  One of the most blessed moms in the world with TWO amazing baby boys.  I got my pregnancy journal out the other day.  I was looking at old ultrasound pics and reading my comments about the boys in my stomach.  We got a good laugh because I had written how Brody was always wanting to pose for the camera and Beckham would be shy and turn his head.  It's amazing because that is kind of how it is.  I sit in disbelief that they went from the tiny little peanuts in my belly to what they are today.  They haven't been sleeping that great at night, but I think their teeth bother them.  I finally put blankets in there with them and it has definitely helped Beckham.  He loves to feel things.  We have tried some new foods.  They have had crackers, cheese puffs, cheese, fries, pizza (bread), and pancakes.  I'm slowly working out my fear on this.  1st birthday planning is in full force.  I'm probably going way overboard, but I just can't help it.  They only turn 1 once!  I just can't believe it's only 3 months away.

Happy 9 months to the most incredibly precious little boys in the world.  Momma loves you more than I will ever be able to express.  You have filled my heart!

 You'll have to excuse the sideways pic. It wouldn't allow me to save it the correct direction.

 We finally found some umbrella strollers.  I didn't realize these things were so hard to come by these days.  This sure is easier than the oversized limo.

My Boys Grew Up a Little More

This weekend was kind of a big weekend at our household. Well in baby milestone terms anyways. Both boys pulled up by themselves for the first time. They both took steps by themselves on their walker. And little Mr. Beckham got his first tooth. We knew something was off with him because he just really wasn't interested in eating much last week and all weekend he would not let us put him down. He would be out cold and the second he hit his bed it was pure terror like the worst thing in the world just happened. I decided Sunday morning to stick my finger in his mouth and there it was. The sharp little tooth poking its way through. Brody now has a white spec on his gums so I'm assuming his will be coming through any day. They are everywhere now. We literally cannot take our eyes off of them for two seconds. We are currently searching for a round gate. If you think it's torture, I challenge you to come watch them for an hour :) They are getting so much fun. Really setting in to their own personalities. I think Brody will honestly be walking in a month. I don't think Beckham will be far behind. We have our 9 month check up on Friday. I can't wait to see how much they have grown. Hopefully they are out of that 4th percentile!  Oh I almost forgot.  We tried pasta and cheese puffs this weekend.  They loved it!  I can't believe it's time for big boy food.  It scares the crap out of me, but I'm slowly adjusting. 




Big Boy Brody



Sweet Little Beckham



Hang on Bubba