Sunday, July 26, 2009

So I changed my mind

Well I got a wonderful little visit from an ugly ol' witch today.  I'm pretty disappointed, but at the same time I somewhat have a sense of calmness.  Not sure if I am just really trusting in God right now or what, but I am usually bawling my eyes out on this day.  No tears shed here!  We have also decided that we are not taking a break.  WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!  I will call the doctor tomorrow and get back on Clomid.  The magic pill that got me knocked up the first time.  We both want this child so bad and I am officially willing to do whatever it takes no matter how long it takes.  I say this because I have been a little leery of if Clomid had anything to do with the miscarriage and I just haven't really known how I feel about all the drugs going in to my body or how much I'm willing to pay for all of this.  I mean if it comes to IVF, that's about $15,000 a try, and get this it's not guaranteed.  This just seems a little unfair considering most women get pg for free.  We should get paid for our struggle.  I know that's crazy, but good idea :) I wonder how high my expectations are going to be this month considering this pill worked last time?  I really am going to relax this cycle.  All of this is in God's hands.  If I want to portray my faith to others I need to truly believe in this.   So here I am God.  ALL IN!!!!  After all He has shown me some amazing things through this, and I already see His work being done through me.  If this is why I am facing this struggle, so be it.  I am helping others and that is truly what I am here for.  To serve my God and no one else.  So anyways that's the latest.  I will start my pill on Thursday and go in for an ultrasound (more lovely bills)  on August 4th.  So please keep us in your prayers.  

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"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3